[9/20/2002 9:37:39 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Time-Travel Movies
1) Back to the Future (1985)
2) The Final Countdown (1980)
3) The Terminator (1984)
4) Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991)
5) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)


[9/20/2002 11:36:46 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Everyone's a victim. Circumstances don't matter. You're a victim and I'm a victim. A victim of what? you ask. We're victims of our society, of course!

There are two young girls in New York whose parents are suing McDonalds because the girls are obese. The names of the girls are being withheld because they are minors, but it is known that one girl is 5'9" and 270 pounds, the other is 5'3" and 200 pounds. They say that they have eaten Happy Meals at McDonalds a few times a week for the past few years. They say that McDonalds' advertising makes the meals look too enticing to resist.

I don't think this case should make it to court. I think that the legal system should laugh at this and let it rot and only mention it as the punchline to a joke told during Happy Hour on a Friday night.

The Happy Meal is nothing new. I grew up with it. My friends grew up with it. None of us are suing McDonalds. Some of us are overweight but we are not blaming the fast food industry. I blame myself for being too lazy and unmotivated to do anything about my "spare tire". Of course, this mindset is very unfashionable in the legal world as it negates the "victim" in me.

Actually, this is pretty cool because it sets a legal precedent, doesn't it? We can sue someone because we turned out different than "normal" people and such differences make us uncomfortable, which is unfair. Where is the ACLU when you need them?!

Therefore, in the interest of fairness, from now on I will be "The Victim" because I want to be treated fairly and I want heaps of money as compensation for years of unfair treatment. And, if suing the fast food companies is the only way to get it (aside from working hard and armed robbery), then, by Jove, I'm going to do it! First of all, I need to identify the ways in which I am have been victimized over the years.

I Have Been Victimized by:

1) Fast food - enough said.

2) Video games - these "games" dulled my senses and ruined my vision. They caused me to sit in front of a tv instead of going outside to play, not letting me work off the calories from the fast food I had just eaten.

3) Television - after I was done playing video games I would watch tv. The commercials for the new shows look so good, how can I rationalize missing a single moment? There's a reason they call it "Must See TV", you know. And besides, I didn't want to be the only kid in school who didn't watch the show. Sure, I could have been reading, but my eyes were too far gone because of all the video games I played.

4) Hollywood - Instead of playing little league baseball I'd go to the movies on weekends because it's easier, I don't sweat and I don't have to feel like a loser if my team doesn't win. The movie theater is just too inviting. Plus there's popcorn with butter. And candy.

5) Health foods - the companies who advertise health foods make me feel bad about myself because I don't eat their product and because I don't look like the people they show eating their product. This makes me have even lower self-esteem.

So it's plain to see that I have been a victim for far too long. Now all I need is a greasy lawyer to take up my case and head on to the courts. I estimate that once all of my lawsuits are won, I will be a multi-billionaire. That would be great because then I could buy all the video games I want.


[9/20/2002 9:16:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
- Homer Simpson


[9/20/2002 10:15:38 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks. Today I will post the answer to last week's Truth or Fiction. But first, the question: Was I accused of tying Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk in 2nd grade and did I do it?

The answer is: of course I didn't!!! Brian Domkey and I were good friends. This incident actually happened in 4th grade, in Mrs. Fernandez' class. The culprit was Keri Ann Locz and the poor victim was Evan Genaud. Keri Ann got into a heap of trouble over that, but it was still pretty funny.

Congratulations to those of you who got the correct answer! Here is this week's Truth or Fiction:

In sixth grade my teachers were Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Fox. Mrs. Fox was pretty nasty at times, but overall she was nice. Autumn Grovenger didn't think so, though, and one day as we were leaving for lunch, put thumb tacks on Mrs. Fox's chair - pointy side-up. As class was starting again upon returning from lunch, Mrs. Fox sat on them and let out a horrific scream. She jumped up like in a cartoon and, had she jumped any higher, I'm sure that her head would have gone through the ceiling and stuck there. I was one of the only kids laughing at the incident and blame was therefore placed on my shoulders.

Jon Dikun eventually came forward (about 5 minutes later) and said that Autumn had mentioned during gym class that she wanted to do pull that prank. She denied it at first, but soon enough came clean. Yours truly was exonerated. It was at that moment that my six-year crush on Autumn Grovenger officially ended.

So there you have it, folks. Was I once again accused of playing a horrible prank? If so, did Autumn put the tacks down or did I? The answer will be revealed in next week's Truth or Fiction! Till then,

-andy