[12/13/2002 1:31:33 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Movies from 1984
1984 was such a good year for movies. So good, in fact, that it was very hard to come up with 5 definitive favorites. But, here is my list:
1) Ghostbusters
2) The Karate Kid
3) The Terminator
4) Gremlins
5) Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
5.2.03
[11/25/2002 1:46:52 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"The other day I told my wife, 'I lost my wallet, I'm very depressed.' She said, 'That makes two of you. You and the guy who found it.'"
- Rodney Dangerfield
[11/25/2002 2:08:04 PM | Andy Kovacs]
You know what really bugs me? I mean really gets to me??
Excessively negative people. I cannot, under any circumstances, absolutely, never in a million years, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, tolerate excessively negative people. I hate 'em. Them and bad drivers.
"The other day I told my wife, 'I lost my wallet, I'm very depressed.' She said, 'That makes two of you. You and the guy who found it.'"
- Rodney Dangerfield
[11/25/2002 2:08:04 PM | Andy Kovacs]
You know what really bugs me? I mean really gets to me??
Excessively negative people. I cannot, under any circumstances, absolutely, never in a million years, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, tolerate excessively negative people. I hate 'em. Them and bad drivers.
[11/22/2002 1:22:51 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy."
- Janet Long
[11/22/2002 2:05:56 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, everyone! It's been a while since my last posting, and I'm sure you all want to know if I would do something as gross as go to class as dirty as I described. The answer is:
Yes.
It is true, my friends. Just ask my friend, Phil. It only happened the one time and hasn't occurred since, so you are all safe.
Now. On to this week's Truth or Fiction:
Summer. 1986. My mother was taking care of the twins, David and Laura. My friend, Matthew Martin, who lived down the road, hadn't yet moved away. David and I used to ride our bikes to Matt's house to play. We mostly played in the road, much to the annoyance of passing motorists, but Matt didn't really have much of a yard in which to play, so we made do with what we had.
Down the road from Matt lived a girl named Chrissy Bongiovanni. She was very pretty and was entering the 8th grade. As I was going into 7th grade at the time, she was the alluring older woman. She had attended private school since kindergarten, and was going to start public school in 9th grade. I had a serious crush on this girl. But this is not the Truth or Fiction part.
It turns out that Chrissy had a younger sister (whose name escapes me). The younger sister was David's age, who was 7. Needless to say, David had a crush on the younger sister. We'd go there almost daily to hang out with the Matt, but more importantly, the girls. David really wanted the younger sister to like him, but didn't know how to go about the task. That's where I came in.
Being in the 7th grade made me very knowledgeable in the ways of women and dating, even though I hadn't really dated anyone, ever, with the exception of Diane Wilton from kindergarten to 4th grade. But David was eager to learn from my vast stores of experience.
My course of action: to have David woo her with his angelic singing voice. Here's how it worked: I was a huge fan of the Monkees at the time. Monkees albums were all that I'd owned. So, I transcribed the lyrics to their love songs and made David memorize them. Then, the next time we'd be at Matt's house, I'd have David sing the song to Chrissy's younger sister.
It was quite comical because David took it so seriously. He really tried hard to make sure he got all the words right. Chrissy's younger sister never really responded at all to poor David's efforts; in fact, she once laughed at him, which really hurt his feelings. But we were kind of kindred spirits in a sense, because Chrissy rejected me, too. Oh well. C'est la vie, eh?
So, the question is: Did I really make poor, young, naive, David memorize and sing Monkees love songs to Chrissy's younger sister? Bonus Question: Did he ever get a song 100% correct when he sang it to Chrissy's younger sister?
The answers will be revealed in the next Truth or Fiction!!! Till then,
-andy
[11/22/2002 1:28:07 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies
1) The Terminator (1984)
2) Total Recall (1990)
3) Predator (1987)
4) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
5) The Running Man (1987)
"Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy."
- Janet Long
[11/22/2002 2:05:56 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, everyone! It's been a while since my last posting, and I'm sure you all want to know if I would do something as gross as go to class as dirty as I described. The answer is:
Yes.
It is true, my friends. Just ask my friend, Phil. It only happened the one time and hasn't occurred since, so you are all safe.
Now. On to this week's Truth or Fiction:
Summer. 1986. My mother was taking care of the twins, David and Laura. My friend, Matthew Martin, who lived down the road, hadn't yet moved away. David and I used to ride our bikes to Matt's house to play. We mostly played in the road, much to the annoyance of passing motorists, but Matt didn't really have much of a yard in which to play, so we made do with what we had.
Down the road from Matt lived a girl named Chrissy Bongiovanni. She was very pretty and was entering the 8th grade. As I was going into 7th grade at the time, she was the alluring older woman. She had attended private school since kindergarten, and was going to start public school in 9th grade. I had a serious crush on this girl. But this is not the Truth or Fiction part.
It turns out that Chrissy had a younger sister (whose name escapes me). The younger sister was David's age, who was 7. Needless to say, David had a crush on the younger sister. We'd go there almost daily to hang out with the Matt, but more importantly, the girls. David really wanted the younger sister to like him, but didn't know how to go about the task. That's where I came in.
Being in the 7th grade made me very knowledgeable in the ways of women and dating, even though I hadn't really dated anyone, ever, with the exception of Diane Wilton from kindergarten to 4th grade. But David was eager to learn from my vast stores of experience.
My course of action: to have David woo her with his angelic singing voice. Here's how it worked: I was a huge fan of the Monkees at the time. Monkees albums were all that I'd owned. So, I transcribed the lyrics to their love songs and made David memorize them. Then, the next time we'd be at Matt's house, I'd have David sing the song to Chrissy's younger sister.
It was quite comical because David took it so seriously. He really tried hard to make sure he got all the words right. Chrissy's younger sister never really responded at all to poor David's efforts; in fact, she once laughed at him, which really hurt his feelings. But we were kind of kindred spirits in a sense, because Chrissy rejected me, too. Oh well. C'est la vie, eh?
So, the question is: Did I really make poor, young, naive, David memorize and sing Monkees love songs to Chrissy's younger sister? Bonus Question: Did he ever get a song 100% correct when he sang it to Chrissy's younger sister?
The answers will be revealed in the next Truth or Fiction!!! Till then,
-andy
[11/22/2002 1:28:07 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies
1) The Terminator (1984)
2) Total Recall (1990)
3) Predator (1987)
4) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
5) The Running Man (1987)
[10/10/2002 9:12:52 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Robin Williams Movies (revised)
1) Dead Poets Society (1989)
2) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
3) Death to Smoochy (2002)
4) One Hour Photo (2002)
5) Popeye (1980)
[10/10/2002 8:44:48 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."
- James Dent
"If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, just add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com."
- Unknown (but I suspect that it's Dave Barry)
"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago."
- Robert A. Heinlein
[10/10/2002 9:06:45 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning! To recap, the last Truth or Fiction stated that someone had placed tacks on my teacher's chair. The question was: was I really accused and, if so, did I really do it?
The answer, dear readers, is: I was accused, I didn't do it, and, yes, that was when my crush on Autumn Grovenger (that lasted all the way from first grade) officially ended. It really was a sad day.
Today's Truth or Fiction comes from more recent times (this is my way of taking it easy on you), the College years:
It was fall semester, my second-senior year at Rowan (September 1997). My roommate, Phil, and I had taken the same General Psychology course. The class started at 9:30 a.m. Since it was my last year, I was intent on enjoying it to the fullest. I had a new job at a womens shoe store that paid and treated me considerably better than my previous job, and I only had four classes. I was living it up.
Somethimes I lived it up a little too much, though. On a few occassions I would stay out late at the fraternity house and stumble home later than I could presently imagine. On the mornings that followed a night such as that I would usually wake on the couch to Phil kicking me telling me to get up now or I'll miss the class. And, as a sort of punishment on my part, I'm assuming, he wouldn't wake me up until about 9:15 which gave me a few precious minutes to slap on a hat, some deoderant, and, if I was feeling particularly sassy, some cologne and new socks.
One morning Phil woke me up a little later than normal. I didn't have time to do anything except grab my bag and go. We got to class and sat in our usual seats in the back of the class and the other students sat down around us.
Then the students started standing in their desks (the desks were the kind with the little attached flap that goes over your lap) and moving away from me. Even Phil moved a little. I guess I smelled pretty bad. But it was hot the night before, you see, so I smelled like a combination of sweat, stale beer, cigarette smoke, and I'm sure a few other things some industrial-strength cleansers probably would have had a tough time getting out of my clothes.
It was an eye-opening experience for me (and an eye-watering one for the other students, I'm assuming) because nothing like that had ever happened to me. From then on I made sure that, even if it meant going to class late, I would at least put on a clean shirt before I left the apartment.
So. Is this story true? Did I really go to class smelling like something pulled out of the dumpster at a really bad British-Taiwanese-fusion restaurant? The Truth will be revealed next week! Till then,
-andy
Top 5 Robin Williams Movies (revised)
1) Dead Poets Society (1989)
2) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
3) Death to Smoochy (2002)
4) One Hour Photo (2002)
5) Popeye (1980)
[10/10/2002 8:44:48 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."
- James Dent
"If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, just add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com."
- Unknown (but I suspect that it's Dave Barry)
"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago."
- Robert A. Heinlein
[10/10/2002 9:06:45 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning! To recap, the last Truth or Fiction stated that someone had placed tacks on my teacher's chair. The question was: was I really accused and, if so, did I really do it?
The answer, dear readers, is: I was accused, I didn't do it, and, yes, that was when my crush on Autumn Grovenger (that lasted all the way from first grade) officially ended. It really was a sad day.
Today's Truth or Fiction comes from more recent times (this is my way of taking it easy on you), the College years:
It was fall semester, my second-senior year at Rowan (September 1997). My roommate, Phil, and I had taken the same General Psychology course. The class started at 9:30 a.m. Since it was my last year, I was intent on enjoying it to the fullest. I had a new job at a womens shoe store that paid and treated me considerably better than my previous job, and I only had four classes. I was living it up.
Somethimes I lived it up a little too much, though. On a few occassions I would stay out late at the fraternity house and stumble home later than I could presently imagine. On the mornings that followed a night such as that I would usually wake on the couch to Phil kicking me telling me to get up now or I'll miss the class. And, as a sort of punishment on my part, I'm assuming, he wouldn't wake me up until about 9:15 which gave me a few precious minutes to slap on a hat, some deoderant, and, if I was feeling particularly sassy, some cologne and new socks.
One morning Phil woke me up a little later than normal. I didn't have time to do anything except grab my bag and go. We got to class and sat in our usual seats in the back of the class and the other students sat down around us.
Then the students started standing in their desks (the desks were the kind with the little attached flap that goes over your lap) and moving away from me. Even Phil moved a little. I guess I smelled pretty bad. But it was hot the night before, you see, so I smelled like a combination of sweat, stale beer, cigarette smoke, and I'm sure a few other things some industrial-strength cleansers probably would have had a tough time getting out of my clothes.
It was an eye-opening experience for me (and an eye-watering one for the other students, I'm assuming) because nothing like that had ever happened to me. From then on I made sure that, even if it meant going to class late, I would at least put on a clean shirt before I left the apartment.
So. Is this story true? Did I really go to class smelling like something pulled out of the dumpster at a really bad British-Taiwanese-fusion restaurant? The Truth will be revealed next week! Till then,
-andy
[9/27/2002 1:19:00 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like, What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up."
- Lenny Bruce
[9/27/2002 1:25:57 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Reasons I Haven't Updated This Page This Week
1) My boring life has sunk to a new low, giving me absolutely nothing to write about
2) Old-age has begun to creep into me causing me to forget about updating the pages
3) I found something else to do while at work: work!
4) For once I was at a loss for words
5) Like a ninja I keep my movements secret and hidden
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like, What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up."
- Lenny Bruce
[9/27/2002 1:25:57 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Reasons I Haven't Updated This Page This Week
1) My boring life has sunk to a new low, giving me absolutely nothing to write about
2) Old-age has begun to creep into me causing me to forget about updating the pages
3) I found something else to do while at work: work!
4) For once I was at a loss for words
5) Like a ninja I keep my movements secret and hidden
[9/20/2002 9:37:39 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Time-Travel Movies
1) Back to the Future (1985)
2) The Final Countdown (1980)
3) The Terminator (1984)
4) Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991)
5) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
[9/20/2002 11:36:46 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Everyone's a victim. Circumstances don't matter. You're a victim and I'm a victim. A victim of what? you ask. We're victims of our society, of course!
There are two young girls in New York whose parents are suing McDonalds because the girls are obese. The names of the girls are being withheld because they are minors, but it is known that one girl is 5'9" and 270 pounds, the other is 5'3" and 200 pounds. They say that they have eaten Happy Meals at McDonalds a few times a week for the past few years. They say that McDonalds' advertising makes the meals look too enticing to resist.
I don't think this case should make it to court. I think that the legal system should laugh at this and let it rot and only mention it as the punchline to a joke told during Happy Hour on a Friday night.
The Happy Meal is nothing new. I grew up with it. My friends grew up with it. None of us are suing McDonalds. Some of us are overweight but we are not blaming the fast food industry. I blame myself for being too lazy and unmotivated to do anything about my "spare tire". Of course, this mindset is very unfashionable in the legal world as it negates the "victim" in me.
Actually, this is pretty cool because it sets a legal precedent, doesn't it? We can sue someone because we turned out different than "normal" people and such differences make us uncomfortable, which is unfair. Where is the ACLU when you need them?!
Therefore, in the interest of fairness, from now on I will be "The Victim" because I want to be treated fairly and I want heaps of money as compensation for years of unfair treatment. And, if suing the fast food companies is the only way to get it (aside from working hard and armed robbery), then, by Jove, I'm going to do it! First of all, I need to identify the ways in which I am have been victimized over the years.
I Have Been Victimized by:
1) Fast food - enough said.
2) Video games - these "games" dulled my senses and ruined my vision. They caused me to sit in front of a tv instead of going outside to play, not letting me work off the calories from the fast food I had just eaten.
3) Television - after I was done playing video games I would watch tv. The commercials for the new shows look so good, how can I rationalize missing a single moment? There's a reason they call it "Must See TV", you know. And besides, I didn't want to be the only kid in school who didn't watch the show. Sure, I could have been reading, but my eyes were too far gone because of all the video games I played.
4) Hollywood - Instead of playing little league baseball I'd go to the movies on weekends because it's easier, I don't sweat and I don't have to feel like a loser if my team doesn't win. The movie theater is just too inviting. Plus there's popcorn with butter. And candy.
5) Health foods - the companies who advertise health foods make me feel bad about myself because I don't eat their product and because I don't look like the people they show eating their product. This makes me have even lower self-esteem.
So it's plain to see that I have been a victim for far too long. Now all I need is a greasy lawyer to take up my case and head on to the courts. I estimate that once all of my lawsuits are won, I will be a multi-billionaire. That would be great because then I could buy all the video games I want.
[9/20/2002 9:16:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
- Homer Simpson
[9/20/2002 10:15:38 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks. Today I will post the answer to last week's Truth or Fiction. But first, the question: Was I accused of tying Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk in 2nd grade and did I do it?
The answer is: of course I didn't!!! Brian Domkey and I were good friends. This incident actually happened in 4th grade, in Mrs. Fernandez' class. The culprit was Keri Ann Locz and the poor victim was Evan Genaud. Keri Ann got into a heap of trouble over that, but it was still pretty funny.
Congratulations to those of you who got the correct answer! Here is this week's Truth or Fiction:
In sixth grade my teachers were Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Fox. Mrs. Fox was pretty nasty at times, but overall she was nice. Autumn Grovenger didn't think so, though, and one day as we were leaving for lunch, put thumb tacks on Mrs. Fox's chair - pointy side-up. As class was starting again upon returning from lunch, Mrs. Fox sat on them and let out a horrific scream. She jumped up like in a cartoon and, had she jumped any higher, I'm sure that her head would have gone through the ceiling and stuck there. I was one of the only kids laughing at the incident and blame was therefore placed on my shoulders.
Jon Dikun eventually came forward (about 5 minutes later) and said that Autumn had mentioned during gym class that she wanted to do pull that prank. She denied it at first, but soon enough came clean. Yours truly was exonerated. It was at that moment that my six-year crush on Autumn Grovenger officially ended.
So there you have it, folks. Was I once again accused of playing a horrible prank? If so, did Autumn put the tacks down or did I? The answer will be revealed in next week's Truth or Fiction! Till then,
-andy
Top 5 Favorite Time-Travel Movies
1) Back to the Future (1985)
2) The Final Countdown (1980)
3) The Terminator (1984)
4) Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991)
5) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
[9/20/2002 11:36:46 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Everyone's a victim. Circumstances don't matter. You're a victim and I'm a victim. A victim of what? you ask. We're victims of our society, of course!
There are two young girls in New York whose parents are suing McDonalds because the girls are obese. The names of the girls are being withheld because they are minors, but it is known that one girl is 5'9" and 270 pounds, the other is 5'3" and 200 pounds. They say that they have eaten Happy Meals at McDonalds a few times a week for the past few years. They say that McDonalds' advertising makes the meals look too enticing to resist.
I don't think this case should make it to court. I think that the legal system should laugh at this and let it rot and only mention it as the punchline to a joke told during Happy Hour on a Friday night.
The Happy Meal is nothing new. I grew up with it. My friends grew up with it. None of us are suing McDonalds. Some of us are overweight but we are not blaming the fast food industry. I blame myself for being too lazy and unmotivated to do anything about my "spare tire". Of course, this mindset is very unfashionable in the legal world as it negates the "victim" in me.
Actually, this is pretty cool because it sets a legal precedent, doesn't it? We can sue someone because we turned out different than "normal" people and such differences make us uncomfortable, which is unfair. Where is the ACLU when you need them?!
Therefore, in the interest of fairness, from now on I will be "The Victim" because I want to be treated fairly and I want heaps of money as compensation for years of unfair treatment. And, if suing the fast food companies is the only way to get it (aside from working hard and armed robbery), then, by Jove, I'm going to do it! First of all, I need to identify the ways in which I am have been victimized over the years.
I Have Been Victimized by:
1) Fast food - enough said.
2) Video games - these "games" dulled my senses and ruined my vision. They caused me to sit in front of a tv instead of going outside to play, not letting me work off the calories from the fast food I had just eaten.
3) Television - after I was done playing video games I would watch tv. The commercials for the new shows look so good, how can I rationalize missing a single moment? There's a reason they call it "Must See TV", you know. And besides, I didn't want to be the only kid in school who didn't watch the show. Sure, I could have been reading, but my eyes were too far gone because of all the video games I played.
4) Hollywood - Instead of playing little league baseball I'd go to the movies on weekends because it's easier, I don't sweat and I don't have to feel like a loser if my team doesn't win. The movie theater is just too inviting. Plus there's popcorn with butter. And candy.
5) Health foods - the companies who advertise health foods make me feel bad about myself because I don't eat their product and because I don't look like the people they show eating their product. This makes me have even lower self-esteem.
So it's plain to see that I have been a victim for far too long. Now all I need is a greasy lawyer to take up my case and head on to the courts. I estimate that once all of my lawsuits are won, I will be a multi-billionaire. That would be great because then I could buy all the video games I want.
[9/20/2002 9:16:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
- Homer Simpson
[9/20/2002 10:15:38 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks. Today I will post the answer to last week's Truth or Fiction. But first, the question: Was I accused of tying Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk in 2nd grade and did I do it?
The answer is: of course I didn't!!! Brian Domkey and I were good friends. This incident actually happened in 4th grade, in Mrs. Fernandez' class. The culprit was Keri Ann Locz and the poor victim was Evan Genaud. Keri Ann got into a heap of trouble over that, but it was still pretty funny.
Congratulations to those of you who got the correct answer! Here is this week's Truth or Fiction:
In sixth grade my teachers were Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Fox. Mrs. Fox was pretty nasty at times, but overall she was nice. Autumn Grovenger didn't think so, though, and one day as we were leaving for lunch, put thumb tacks on Mrs. Fox's chair - pointy side-up. As class was starting again upon returning from lunch, Mrs. Fox sat on them and let out a horrific scream. She jumped up like in a cartoon and, had she jumped any higher, I'm sure that her head would have gone through the ceiling and stuck there. I was one of the only kids laughing at the incident and blame was therefore placed on my shoulders.
Jon Dikun eventually came forward (about 5 minutes later) and said that Autumn had mentioned during gym class that she wanted to do pull that prank. She denied it at first, but soon enough came clean. Yours truly was exonerated. It was at that moment that my six-year crush on Autumn Grovenger officially ended.
So there you have it, folks. Was I once again accused of playing a horrible prank? If so, did Autumn put the tacks down or did I? The answer will be revealed in next week's Truth or Fiction! Till then,
-andy
[9/17/2002 11:57:14 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
- Jack Mayberry
[9/17/2002 1:21:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Disney animated features
1) Sleeping Beauty (1959)
2) Aladdin (1993)
3) Lilo and Stitch (2002)
4) Beauty and the Beast (1991)
5) The Fox and the Hound (1981)
[9/17/2002 12:43:15 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Snack Foods
1) Popcorn
2) Cheez-It
3) Goldfish
4) Bugles
5) Cheetos (crunchy)
[9/17/2002 3:14:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I don't understand the military.
For an organization that typically frowns upon having gay people in their ranks, men in particular, it certainly strikes me as odd that in the army you and your peers are called Privates and in the Navy you are Seamen. Of course a gay man is going to want to be a part of that.
The worst part is that this mentality starts early. The proof? When you join the Boy Scouts as a young boy you start out as a Webelo (pronounced We Blow. that's really how it's pronounced, scouts' honor).
Go ahead, string the words together and make your own jokes. But keep in mind that we put our Privates and Seamen on the line everyday to defend the freedom that we hold so dear.
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
- Jack Mayberry
[9/17/2002 1:21:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Disney animated features
1) Sleeping Beauty (1959)
2) Aladdin (1993)
3) Lilo and Stitch (2002)
4) Beauty and the Beast (1991)
5) The Fox and the Hound (1981)
[9/17/2002 12:43:15 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Snack Foods
1) Popcorn
2) Cheez-It
3) Goldfish
4) Bugles
5) Cheetos (crunchy)
[9/17/2002 3:14:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I don't understand the military.
For an organization that typically frowns upon having gay people in their ranks, men in particular, it certainly strikes me as odd that in the army you and your peers are called Privates and in the Navy you are Seamen. Of course a gay man is going to want to be a part of that.
The worst part is that this mentality starts early. The proof? When you join the Boy Scouts as a young boy you start out as a Webelo (pronounced We Blow. that's really how it's pronounced, scouts' honor).
Go ahead, string the words together and make your own jokes. But keep in mind that we put our Privates and Seamen on the line everyday to defend the freedom that we hold so dear.
[9/15/2002 2:00:49 AM | Andy Kovacs]
A couple of weeks ago, Tiff and I had driven to my parents' house on a Saturday morning. On the way I stopped at a rest station on the New Jersey Turnpike because I needed some coffee and to, well, "rest" for a moment.
I went to use the facilities, which were, in true turnpike rest station fashion, horrendously dirty. The urinals were either all occupied or situated next to a particularly grimy gentleman so I went to pee in one of the stalls. On the wall, the following piece of poetry was written:
Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their sh!t in little balls.
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of sh!t
I was fairly amused. I washed up and upon emerging from the restroom, I noticed something that had escaped me countless times before: almost all the patrons were of Asian descent.
Sure, there were some people of other ethnicity, but the overwhelming majority of patrons were asian. Then I started to get this odd sort of feeling that all the asians were casting a scrutinizing eye my way, probably because I wasn't carrying a camera and urging some other asians to stand in front of the Burger King sign so I could take their picture. I think they were suspicious. Either that or they were annoyed that I wasn't taking their picture.
I left in a hurry and started back on my way to my parents' house. The weekend was fun but soon enough it was Sunday evening and time to go home. I had to stop at another rest area on the way home to wake up a bit, but also because I wanted to see if what I had witnessed the day before still held true. Again, almost all the patrons were asian.
What is going on here?, I asked myself.
Then I recalled that in China it is illegal to have more than one child. Therefore when a woman finds that she is pregnant with a second child, she will immigrate to this country via Ellis Island. That explains the number of asians in New York and New Jersey.
But why do they congregate at the turnpike rest areas and why was I never invited?
It then dawned on me that I don't like other asian people with the exception of my sister, and my friends Kelly, Lenny, Brian, and, Chisu, and, the answer to the first part of the question is quite simple: everybody knows that, scribbled on the inside of every door of every stall in womens' restrooms throughout China is the following poem:
If you want one million kids
Or as many as you like,
Join the Asian-Singles scene
On the New Jersey Turnpike.
A couple of weeks ago, Tiff and I had driven to my parents' house on a Saturday morning. On the way I stopped at a rest station on the New Jersey Turnpike because I needed some coffee and to, well, "rest" for a moment.
I went to use the facilities, which were, in true turnpike rest station fashion, horrendously dirty. The urinals were either all occupied or situated next to a particularly grimy gentleman so I went to pee in one of the stalls. On the wall, the following piece of poetry was written:
Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their sh!t in little balls.
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of sh!t
I was fairly amused. I washed up and upon emerging from the restroom, I noticed something that had escaped me countless times before: almost all the patrons were of Asian descent.
Sure, there were some people of other ethnicity, but the overwhelming majority of patrons were asian. Then I started to get this odd sort of feeling that all the asians were casting a scrutinizing eye my way, probably because I wasn't carrying a camera and urging some other asians to stand in front of the Burger King sign so I could take their picture. I think they were suspicious. Either that or they were annoyed that I wasn't taking their picture.
I left in a hurry and started back on my way to my parents' house. The weekend was fun but soon enough it was Sunday evening and time to go home. I had to stop at another rest area on the way home to wake up a bit, but also because I wanted to see if what I had witnessed the day before still held true. Again, almost all the patrons were asian.
What is going on here?, I asked myself.
Then I recalled that in China it is illegal to have more than one child. Therefore when a woman finds that she is pregnant with a second child, she will immigrate to this country via Ellis Island. That explains the number of asians in New York and New Jersey.
But why do they congregate at the turnpike rest areas and why was I never invited?
It then dawned on me that I don't like other asian people with the exception of my sister, and my friends Kelly, Lenny, Brian, and, Chisu, and, the answer to the first part of the question is quite simple: everybody knows that, scribbled on the inside of every door of every stall in womens' restrooms throughout China is the following poem:
If you want one million kids
Or as many as you like,
Join the Asian-Singles scene
On the New Jersey Turnpike.
[9/13/2002 2:28:44 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter."
- Harry Morgan
[9/13/2002 4:50:59 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Beers
1) Guinness
2) Elephant Beer
3) Corona
4) Miller Lite
5) Yuengling Lager
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter."
- Harry Morgan
[9/13/2002 4:50:59 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Beers
1) Guinness
2) Elephant Beer
3) Corona
4) Miller Lite
5) Yuengling Lager
[9/12/2002 9:05:17 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"If you're deep enough in denial to actually think that you had a happy childhood, there's always a shrink who will tell you that you must be forgetting something."
- Dennis Miller
[9/12/2002 1:10:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
In & Out
Kevin Kline stars as a High School English teacher who is "outed" by a former-student-turned-Academy-award-winning-actor in said former student's acceptance speech at the Oscars.
The movie's premise is simple enough to understand: a man who is about to get married is told that he is gay and needs to prove to the small midwestern town in which he lives, and to himself, that he is not.
I didn't know what to expect when this movie came out. I had heard from friends that it wasn't good. I had heard from people that it was great. I didn't know what to think and it ended up that I didn't have the money to go see it anyway (being in college and all), so I forgot about it. Then Tiff made me watch it last year and, Dear God this movie was hilarious!
You would think that with a premise so simple, the jokes would get old and stale quicker than a video tape of Rodney Dangerfield playing on a continuous loop. After all, once you've heard one gay joke you've heard them all, right? In & Out does well with the material that it was presented with, making the most of the actors as well as the script. Kevin Kline was, in my mind, the perfect person to play the "outed" teacher and Joan Cusack's fiery temper was the perfect match for Kline's trying-to-remain-unruffled demeanor.
The biggest surprise for me, however, is that Tom Selleck and Kevin Kline share an on-screen kiss, the likes of which reminded me of the old photo of the sailor in Times Square smooching his gal after World War II ended. It's a big smooch and when it happens it's like you can hear a chorus of gay men clapping and squealing in joy. I know it's just a movie, but this part took me completely by surprise. I mean, Tom Selleck is the quintessential cool guy. He was Magnum, P.I. You don't get much cooler, or manlier, than Magnum! This is the guy who, when he got married in the mid 80's, women around the world mourned. This was one of my manly idols as a kid and here he is playing a gay person in a movie, kissing Kevin "Don't Call Me Stupid" Kline!!! Amazing. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wasn't offended, I just wasn't expecting to see that. But I guess it is only just a movie and it is only just another paycheck for Mr. Selleck.
The best scene in the movie, though, is one where Kline is at home trying to prove to himself that he is not gay, so he puts on an audio tape and, well, you'll have to watch the scene because I know I can't do it justice in this column.
The ending was credible, too. It wasn't a cop-out; in fact, it was a very good ending to a very good movie. You'll have to go out and rent it if you have the chance. I will give this movie *** out of 4 stars.
-andy
"If you're deep enough in denial to actually think that you had a happy childhood, there's always a shrink who will tell you that you must be forgetting something."
- Dennis Miller
[9/12/2002 1:10:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
In & Out
Kevin Kline stars as a High School English teacher who is "outed" by a former-student-turned-Academy-award-winning-actor in said former student's acceptance speech at the Oscars.
The movie's premise is simple enough to understand: a man who is about to get married is told that he is gay and needs to prove to the small midwestern town in which he lives, and to himself, that he is not.
I didn't know what to expect when this movie came out. I had heard from friends that it wasn't good. I had heard from people that it was great. I didn't know what to think and it ended up that I didn't have the money to go see it anyway (being in college and all), so I forgot about it. Then Tiff made me watch it last year and, Dear God this movie was hilarious!
You would think that with a premise so simple, the jokes would get old and stale quicker than a video tape of Rodney Dangerfield playing on a continuous loop. After all, once you've heard one gay joke you've heard them all, right? In & Out does well with the material that it was presented with, making the most of the actors as well as the script. Kevin Kline was, in my mind, the perfect person to play the "outed" teacher and Joan Cusack's fiery temper was the perfect match for Kline's trying-to-remain-unruffled demeanor.
The biggest surprise for me, however, is that Tom Selleck and Kevin Kline share an on-screen kiss, the likes of which reminded me of the old photo of the sailor in Times Square smooching his gal after World War II ended. It's a big smooch and when it happens it's like you can hear a chorus of gay men clapping and squealing in joy. I know it's just a movie, but this part took me completely by surprise. I mean, Tom Selleck is the quintessential cool guy. He was Magnum, P.I. You don't get much cooler, or manlier, than Magnum! This is the guy who, when he got married in the mid 80's, women around the world mourned. This was one of my manly idols as a kid and here he is playing a gay person in a movie, kissing Kevin "Don't Call Me Stupid" Kline!!! Amazing. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wasn't offended, I just wasn't expecting to see that. But I guess it is only just a movie and it is only just another paycheck for Mr. Selleck.
The best scene in the movie, though, is one where Kline is at home trying to prove to himself that he is not gay, so he puts on an audio tape and, well, you'll have to watch the scene because I know I can't do it justice in this column.
The ending was credible, too. It wasn't a cop-out; in fact, it was a very good ending to a very good movie. You'll have to go out and rent it if you have the chance. I will give this movie *** out of 4 stars.
-andy
[9/11/2002 3:57:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper and you get more feet."
- Rita Rudner
[9/11/2002 4:07:08 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1) At the dentist
2) In jail
3) Watching a Pauly Shore movie-marathon
4) Eating haggis
5) At a Golden Girls convention
[9/11/2002 10:25:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
One Year Later
September 11th Remembered
by Andrew Kovacs
The drive into work today was very pleasant. There weren't many cars out on the road. I had the windows down and the Howard Stern show turned way up on my radio. Getting out of my car in the parking lot at work brought back a flood of memories of the same day one year ago.
It was a bright and sunny morning, and the air was cool. I drove to work with the windows down while I listened to The Flaming Lips album, The Soft Bulletin.
I got inside the building and decided to head to the cafeteria to get some coffee. While I was standing in line I overheard two women behind me talking about the Twin Towers.
"I couldn't believe when they said the World Trade Center was bombed," one of them declared incredulously.
"I know. I still don't believe it," the other woman replied.
Me, being the Current Events Guru that I am (note the sarcasm), concluded that they were referring to the attack on the Trade Center in 1993 when a bomb was set off in the underground parking garage. As I was walking away from the cashier, my friend, Wil, came up to me and asked me, "Can you believe they hit the World Trade Center with a plane?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What are you talking about, Wil?" I asked.
"You didn't hear?"
"No, I was listening to a cd on the way in."
"Dude, come here. You're going to shit yourself," was Wil's reply as he took my arm and lead me to the television.
There are two tv sets in the cafeteria, each tv set was mounted on the wall and was normally tuned to either the soap operas or ESPN, depending on who was taking lunch. I couldn't hear what was being said because the volume was low and there must have been about a hundred people in there at the time. On the screen was one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen: there was smoke billowing out of a hole in one of the towers. Below the tv set there stood a crying woman, appropriately dressed in black.
I made my way up to my desk and people were milling about. They were confused, upset, shocked, horrified, afraid, bewildered, what have you. Some people were working, or, as I think of it, trying to keep their minds off of what was happening in New York City. Honestly, though, who could really concentrate? There were television sets on the sales floor, also, so I went to one to watch. While I watched the same scene as in the cafeteria, the camera cut away and showed another plane imbedding itself into the other building. Some people in the office screamed. Others cried. I went back to my desk and tried to log onto CNN.com or MSNBC.com. Neither were working due to the high volume of traffic they were receiving.
For what seemed like hours, but was actually only minutes, rumors flew. I heard rumors that it was the Russians. I heard rumors that it was a domestic terrorist. I heard rumors that the first plane was just an accident. Then the Pentagon was hit in the same manner and all airplanes were forced to land. That was when the rumors started that there were nine more airplanes unaccounted for, most likely hijacked by terrorists.
I went back to the television set to see what was happening and hopefully to see people racing out of the building. What I saw instead was the first of the two buildings collapse.
I remembered Star Wars when the Death Star blows up Alderaan. Obi Wan Kenobi, who was on his way to Alderaan aboard the Millennium Falcon, says that he feels a disturbance in the Force, "as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." And that's how I imagined it. That's how I felt. I went back to my desk.
I listened to more rumors for a while longer. I heard that a plane went down in Pennsylvania and that the White House was hit. I heard that a plane was near Camp David. I was finally able to get onto CNN.com, but the pages wouldn't load.
I went back to the tv just in time to see the second building collapse. That was when I went back to my seat and didn't move again for a long time. This probably wasn't the best thing for me to do since I sat near a girl whose father was ex-military so I was forced to sit through her talking about what should be done to whom and who did what to which and why she thinks we should bomb whomever it was she suspected was the culprit.
The company let us go home early that day. My friend, Steve, had told me to read Debt of Honor by Tom Clancy so I went to Borders Books and Music and picked up a copy of it. The woman at the cash register wouldn't stop talking about what had happened and why she thinks we would all be dead by the end of the year anyway. I remember she remarked as I was (finally) walking away that she hoped I was a fast reader.
I went home and couldn't find it in me to start the book. I had to see for myself what was happening. I needed to seperate the truth from all the crap I'd heard at work. I tuned into CNN and the rest is history.
Looking back, it's been one hell of a year. Sporting events stopped. Broadway was rocked and its future was briefly in doubt. Everywhere you went you couldn't avoid hearing God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood, nor could you avoid seeing the American flag attached in some way to everyone's car. Hollywood started to pull their punches and everyone, with few exceptions, seemed to be walking on eggshells. We don't want to offend those who lost someone in the disaster and we don't want to seem unfair to Mid-Easterners who have been living here, quite peacefully, for years and had nothing to do with 9/11. Air traffic was even stopped for a couple of days.
Eventually baseball started again, football and the airlines all got back into the swing of things. It was good to see the country start to get back on its feet after having been hit in our collective solar plexus by a wrecking ball the size of Rosie O'Donnell coming out of an all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet.
Airport security started to get tougher. Many people are still afraid to fly. There have been questions and theories as to why no one knew on September 10 about the imminent terrorist attacks. The president came under fire. The public and politicians started to cast a scrutinizing eye toward the law enforcement and intelligence agencies that maybe should have known. All of a sudden the comeraderie and unity that we all found immediately post 9/11 was gone and people started to bicker and point fingers.
John Walker Lindh was found among the Taliban. People of this country want his head on a stick. He most likely won't get a fair trial. Speaking of trials, in a year when the people of this country have looked inward for strength and looked toward God as a Pillar, He was taken away. He was taken because one man, who is an atheist, didn't think his daughter, who is not an atheist, should be subjected to having to say and/or hear the Pledge of Allegiance, which contained the phrase "under God", in school everyday. Is it really any wonder that this man is divorced?
It has been quite a year. One that will never be forgotten. Many people ask, "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was shot?" I don't. Of course, I was born 12 years after the fact. People also ask, "Where were you when the Challenger blew up?" I was in school that day. Where were you? Now this new generation can have an answer when someone asks, "Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?"
Well? The question begs answering: Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper and you get more feet."
- Rita Rudner
[9/11/2002 4:07:08 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1) At the dentist
2) In jail
3) Watching a Pauly Shore movie-marathon
4) Eating haggis
5) At a Golden Girls convention
[9/11/2002 10:25:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
One Year Later
September 11th Remembered
by Andrew Kovacs
The drive into work today was very pleasant. There weren't many cars out on the road. I had the windows down and the Howard Stern show turned way up on my radio. Getting out of my car in the parking lot at work brought back a flood of memories of the same day one year ago.
It was a bright and sunny morning, and the air was cool. I drove to work with the windows down while I listened to The Flaming Lips album, The Soft Bulletin.
I got inside the building and decided to head to the cafeteria to get some coffee. While I was standing in line I overheard two women behind me talking about the Twin Towers.
"I couldn't believe when they said the World Trade Center was bombed," one of them declared incredulously.
"I know. I still don't believe it," the other woman replied.
Me, being the Current Events Guru that I am (note the sarcasm), concluded that they were referring to the attack on the Trade Center in 1993 when a bomb was set off in the underground parking garage. As I was walking away from the cashier, my friend, Wil, came up to me and asked me, "Can you believe they hit the World Trade Center with a plane?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What are you talking about, Wil?" I asked.
"You didn't hear?"
"No, I was listening to a cd on the way in."
"Dude, come here. You're going to shit yourself," was Wil's reply as he took my arm and lead me to the television.
There are two tv sets in the cafeteria, each tv set was mounted on the wall and was normally tuned to either the soap operas or ESPN, depending on who was taking lunch. I couldn't hear what was being said because the volume was low and there must have been about a hundred people in there at the time. On the screen was one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen: there was smoke billowing out of a hole in one of the towers. Below the tv set there stood a crying woman, appropriately dressed in black.
I made my way up to my desk and people were milling about. They were confused, upset, shocked, horrified, afraid, bewildered, what have you. Some people were working, or, as I think of it, trying to keep their minds off of what was happening in New York City. Honestly, though, who could really concentrate? There were television sets on the sales floor, also, so I went to one to watch. While I watched the same scene as in the cafeteria, the camera cut away and showed another plane imbedding itself into the other building. Some people in the office screamed. Others cried. I went back to my desk and tried to log onto CNN.com or MSNBC.com. Neither were working due to the high volume of traffic they were receiving.
For what seemed like hours, but was actually only minutes, rumors flew. I heard rumors that it was the Russians. I heard rumors that it was a domestic terrorist. I heard rumors that the first plane was just an accident. Then the Pentagon was hit in the same manner and all airplanes were forced to land. That was when the rumors started that there were nine more airplanes unaccounted for, most likely hijacked by terrorists.
I went back to the television set to see what was happening and hopefully to see people racing out of the building. What I saw instead was the first of the two buildings collapse.
I remembered Star Wars when the Death Star blows up Alderaan. Obi Wan Kenobi, who was on his way to Alderaan aboard the Millennium Falcon, says that he feels a disturbance in the Force, "as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." And that's how I imagined it. That's how I felt. I went back to my desk.
I listened to more rumors for a while longer. I heard that a plane went down in Pennsylvania and that the White House was hit. I heard that a plane was near Camp David. I was finally able to get onto CNN.com, but the pages wouldn't load.
I went back to the tv just in time to see the second building collapse. That was when I went back to my seat and didn't move again for a long time. This probably wasn't the best thing for me to do since I sat near a girl whose father was ex-military so I was forced to sit through her talking about what should be done to whom and who did what to which and why she thinks we should bomb whomever it was she suspected was the culprit.
The company let us go home early that day. My friend, Steve, had told me to read Debt of Honor by Tom Clancy so I went to Borders Books and Music and picked up a copy of it. The woman at the cash register wouldn't stop talking about what had happened and why she thinks we would all be dead by the end of the year anyway. I remember she remarked as I was (finally) walking away that she hoped I was a fast reader.
I went home and couldn't find it in me to start the book. I had to see for myself what was happening. I needed to seperate the truth from all the crap I'd heard at work. I tuned into CNN and the rest is history.
Looking back, it's been one hell of a year. Sporting events stopped. Broadway was rocked and its future was briefly in doubt. Everywhere you went you couldn't avoid hearing God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood, nor could you avoid seeing the American flag attached in some way to everyone's car. Hollywood started to pull their punches and everyone, with few exceptions, seemed to be walking on eggshells. We don't want to offend those who lost someone in the disaster and we don't want to seem unfair to Mid-Easterners who have been living here, quite peacefully, for years and had nothing to do with 9/11. Air traffic was even stopped for a couple of days.
Eventually baseball started again, football and the airlines all got back into the swing of things. It was good to see the country start to get back on its feet after having been hit in our collective solar plexus by a wrecking ball the size of Rosie O'Donnell coming out of an all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet.
Airport security started to get tougher. Many people are still afraid to fly. There have been questions and theories as to why no one knew on September 10 about the imminent terrorist attacks. The president came under fire. The public and politicians started to cast a scrutinizing eye toward the law enforcement and intelligence agencies that maybe should have known. All of a sudden the comeraderie and unity that we all found immediately post 9/11 was gone and people started to bicker and point fingers.
John Walker Lindh was found among the Taliban. People of this country want his head on a stick. He most likely won't get a fair trial. Speaking of trials, in a year when the people of this country have looked inward for strength and looked toward God as a Pillar, He was taken away. He was taken because one man, who is an atheist, didn't think his daughter, who is not an atheist, should be subjected to having to say and/or hear the Pledge of Allegiance, which contained the phrase "under God", in school everyday. Is it really any wonder that this man is divorced?
It has been quite a year. One that will never be forgotten. Many people ask, "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was shot?" I don't. Of course, I was born 12 years after the fact. People also ask, "Where were you when the Challenger blew up?" I was in school that day. Where were you? Now this new generation can have an answer when someone asks, "Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?"
Well? The question begs answering: Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?
[9/10/2002 10:41:19 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Today's quote is dedicated to all the folks I know who turned 30 this year (Steve, Kerney and Anna, specifically).
"I just turned thirty. I'm at that point in life where you want to eat Fruity Pebbles, but you're concerned about the fiber content."
- Paul Provenza
[9/10/2002 11:35:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Signs
2) Spiderman
3) Lilo and Stitch
4) The Bourne Identity
5) One Hour Photo
Top 5 Least Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Unfaithful
2) Minority Report
3) Men in Black II
4) Blood Work
5) Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Today's quote is dedicated to all the folks I know who turned 30 this year (Steve, Kerney and Anna, specifically).
"I just turned thirty. I'm at that point in life where you want to eat Fruity Pebbles, but you're concerned about the fiber content."
- Paul Provenza
[9/10/2002 11:35:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Signs
2) Spiderman
3) Lilo and Stitch
4) The Bourne Identity
5) One Hour Photo
Top 5 Least Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Unfaithful
2) Minority Report
3) Men in Black II
4) Blood Work
5) Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones
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