[12/13/2002 1:31:33 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Movies from 1984
1984 was such a good year for movies. So good, in fact, that it was very hard to come up with 5 definitive favorites. But, here is my list:
1) Ghostbusters
2) The Karate Kid
3) The Terminator
4) Gremlins
5) Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
5.2.03
[11/25/2002 1:46:52 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"The other day I told my wife, 'I lost my wallet, I'm very depressed.' She said, 'That makes two of you. You and the guy who found it.'"
- Rodney Dangerfield
[11/25/2002 2:08:04 PM | Andy Kovacs]
You know what really bugs me? I mean really gets to me??
Excessively negative people. I cannot, under any circumstances, absolutely, never in a million years, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, tolerate excessively negative people. I hate 'em. Them and bad drivers.
"The other day I told my wife, 'I lost my wallet, I'm very depressed.' She said, 'That makes two of you. You and the guy who found it.'"
- Rodney Dangerfield
[11/25/2002 2:08:04 PM | Andy Kovacs]
You know what really bugs me? I mean really gets to me??
Excessively negative people. I cannot, under any circumstances, absolutely, never in a million years, cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, tolerate excessively negative people. I hate 'em. Them and bad drivers.
[11/22/2002 1:22:51 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy."
- Janet Long
[11/22/2002 2:05:56 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, everyone! It's been a while since my last posting, and I'm sure you all want to know if I would do something as gross as go to class as dirty as I described. The answer is:
Yes.
It is true, my friends. Just ask my friend, Phil. It only happened the one time and hasn't occurred since, so you are all safe.
Now. On to this week's Truth or Fiction:
Summer. 1986. My mother was taking care of the twins, David and Laura. My friend, Matthew Martin, who lived down the road, hadn't yet moved away. David and I used to ride our bikes to Matt's house to play. We mostly played in the road, much to the annoyance of passing motorists, but Matt didn't really have much of a yard in which to play, so we made do with what we had.
Down the road from Matt lived a girl named Chrissy Bongiovanni. She was very pretty and was entering the 8th grade. As I was going into 7th grade at the time, she was the alluring older woman. She had attended private school since kindergarten, and was going to start public school in 9th grade. I had a serious crush on this girl. But this is not the Truth or Fiction part.
It turns out that Chrissy had a younger sister (whose name escapes me). The younger sister was David's age, who was 7. Needless to say, David had a crush on the younger sister. We'd go there almost daily to hang out with the Matt, but more importantly, the girls. David really wanted the younger sister to like him, but didn't know how to go about the task. That's where I came in.
Being in the 7th grade made me very knowledgeable in the ways of women and dating, even though I hadn't really dated anyone, ever, with the exception of Diane Wilton from kindergarten to 4th grade. But David was eager to learn from my vast stores of experience.
My course of action: to have David woo her with his angelic singing voice. Here's how it worked: I was a huge fan of the Monkees at the time. Monkees albums were all that I'd owned. So, I transcribed the lyrics to their love songs and made David memorize them. Then, the next time we'd be at Matt's house, I'd have David sing the song to Chrissy's younger sister.
It was quite comical because David took it so seriously. He really tried hard to make sure he got all the words right. Chrissy's younger sister never really responded at all to poor David's efforts; in fact, she once laughed at him, which really hurt his feelings. But we were kind of kindred spirits in a sense, because Chrissy rejected me, too. Oh well. C'est la vie, eh?
So, the question is: Did I really make poor, young, naive, David memorize and sing Monkees love songs to Chrissy's younger sister? Bonus Question: Did he ever get a song 100% correct when he sang it to Chrissy's younger sister?
The answers will be revealed in the next Truth or Fiction!!! Till then,
-andy
[11/22/2002 1:28:07 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies
1) The Terminator (1984)
2) Total Recall (1990)
3) Predator (1987)
4) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
5) The Running Man (1987)
"Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy."
- Janet Long
[11/22/2002 2:05:56 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, everyone! It's been a while since my last posting, and I'm sure you all want to know if I would do something as gross as go to class as dirty as I described. The answer is:
Yes.
It is true, my friends. Just ask my friend, Phil. It only happened the one time and hasn't occurred since, so you are all safe.
Now. On to this week's Truth or Fiction:
Summer. 1986. My mother was taking care of the twins, David and Laura. My friend, Matthew Martin, who lived down the road, hadn't yet moved away. David and I used to ride our bikes to Matt's house to play. We mostly played in the road, much to the annoyance of passing motorists, but Matt didn't really have much of a yard in which to play, so we made do with what we had.
Down the road from Matt lived a girl named Chrissy Bongiovanni. She was very pretty and was entering the 8th grade. As I was going into 7th grade at the time, she was the alluring older woman. She had attended private school since kindergarten, and was going to start public school in 9th grade. I had a serious crush on this girl. But this is not the Truth or Fiction part.
It turns out that Chrissy had a younger sister (whose name escapes me). The younger sister was David's age, who was 7. Needless to say, David had a crush on the younger sister. We'd go there almost daily to hang out with the Matt, but more importantly, the girls. David really wanted the younger sister to like him, but didn't know how to go about the task. That's where I came in.
Being in the 7th grade made me very knowledgeable in the ways of women and dating, even though I hadn't really dated anyone, ever, with the exception of Diane Wilton from kindergarten to 4th grade. But David was eager to learn from my vast stores of experience.
My course of action: to have David woo her with his angelic singing voice. Here's how it worked: I was a huge fan of the Monkees at the time. Monkees albums were all that I'd owned. So, I transcribed the lyrics to their love songs and made David memorize them. Then, the next time we'd be at Matt's house, I'd have David sing the song to Chrissy's younger sister.
It was quite comical because David took it so seriously. He really tried hard to make sure he got all the words right. Chrissy's younger sister never really responded at all to poor David's efforts; in fact, she once laughed at him, which really hurt his feelings. But we were kind of kindred spirits in a sense, because Chrissy rejected me, too. Oh well. C'est la vie, eh?
So, the question is: Did I really make poor, young, naive, David memorize and sing Monkees love songs to Chrissy's younger sister? Bonus Question: Did he ever get a song 100% correct when he sang it to Chrissy's younger sister?
The answers will be revealed in the next Truth or Fiction!!! Till then,
-andy
[11/22/2002 1:28:07 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies
1) The Terminator (1984)
2) Total Recall (1990)
3) Predator (1987)
4) Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991)
5) The Running Man (1987)
[10/10/2002 9:12:52 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Robin Williams Movies (revised)
1) Dead Poets Society (1989)
2) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
3) Death to Smoochy (2002)
4) One Hour Photo (2002)
5) Popeye (1980)
[10/10/2002 8:44:48 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."
- James Dent
"If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, just add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com."
- Unknown (but I suspect that it's Dave Barry)
"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago."
- Robert A. Heinlein
[10/10/2002 9:06:45 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning! To recap, the last Truth or Fiction stated that someone had placed tacks on my teacher's chair. The question was: was I really accused and, if so, did I really do it?
The answer, dear readers, is: I was accused, I didn't do it, and, yes, that was when my crush on Autumn Grovenger (that lasted all the way from first grade) officially ended. It really was a sad day.
Today's Truth or Fiction comes from more recent times (this is my way of taking it easy on you), the College years:
It was fall semester, my second-senior year at Rowan (September 1997). My roommate, Phil, and I had taken the same General Psychology course. The class started at 9:30 a.m. Since it was my last year, I was intent on enjoying it to the fullest. I had a new job at a womens shoe store that paid and treated me considerably better than my previous job, and I only had four classes. I was living it up.
Somethimes I lived it up a little too much, though. On a few occassions I would stay out late at the fraternity house and stumble home later than I could presently imagine. On the mornings that followed a night such as that I would usually wake on the couch to Phil kicking me telling me to get up now or I'll miss the class. And, as a sort of punishment on my part, I'm assuming, he wouldn't wake me up until about 9:15 which gave me a few precious minutes to slap on a hat, some deoderant, and, if I was feeling particularly sassy, some cologne and new socks.
One morning Phil woke me up a little later than normal. I didn't have time to do anything except grab my bag and go. We got to class and sat in our usual seats in the back of the class and the other students sat down around us.
Then the students started standing in their desks (the desks were the kind with the little attached flap that goes over your lap) and moving away from me. Even Phil moved a little. I guess I smelled pretty bad. But it was hot the night before, you see, so I smelled like a combination of sweat, stale beer, cigarette smoke, and I'm sure a few other things some industrial-strength cleansers probably would have had a tough time getting out of my clothes.
It was an eye-opening experience for me (and an eye-watering one for the other students, I'm assuming) because nothing like that had ever happened to me. From then on I made sure that, even if it meant going to class late, I would at least put on a clean shirt before I left the apartment.
So. Is this story true? Did I really go to class smelling like something pulled out of the dumpster at a really bad British-Taiwanese-fusion restaurant? The Truth will be revealed next week! Till then,
-andy
Top 5 Robin Williams Movies (revised)
1) Dead Poets Society (1989)
2) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
3) Death to Smoochy (2002)
4) One Hour Photo (2002)
5) Popeye (1980)
[10/10/2002 8:44:48 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Late night TV is very educational. It teaches you that you should have gone to bed earlier."
- James Dent
"If you really want to impress people with your computer literacy, just add the words "dot com" to the end of everything you say, dot com."
- Unknown (but I suspect that it's Dave Barry)
"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago."
- Robert A. Heinlein
[10/10/2002 9:06:45 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning! To recap, the last Truth or Fiction stated that someone had placed tacks on my teacher's chair. The question was: was I really accused and, if so, did I really do it?
The answer, dear readers, is: I was accused, I didn't do it, and, yes, that was when my crush on Autumn Grovenger (that lasted all the way from first grade) officially ended. It really was a sad day.
Today's Truth or Fiction comes from more recent times (this is my way of taking it easy on you), the College years:
It was fall semester, my second-senior year at Rowan (September 1997). My roommate, Phil, and I had taken the same General Psychology course. The class started at 9:30 a.m. Since it was my last year, I was intent on enjoying it to the fullest. I had a new job at a womens shoe store that paid and treated me considerably better than my previous job, and I only had four classes. I was living it up.
Somethimes I lived it up a little too much, though. On a few occassions I would stay out late at the fraternity house and stumble home later than I could presently imagine. On the mornings that followed a night such as that I would usually wake on the couch to Phil kicking me telling me to get up now or I'll miss the class. And, as a sort of punishment on my part, I'm assuming, he wouldn't wake me up until about 9:15 which gave me a few precious minutes to slap on a hat, some deoderant, and, if I was feeling particularly sassy, some cologne and new socks.
One morning Phil woke me up a little later than normal. I didn't have time to do anything except grab my bag and go. We got to class and sat in our usual seats in the back of the class and the other students sat down around us.
Then the students started standing in their desks (the desks were the kind with the little attached flap that goes over your lap) and moving away from me. Even Phil moved a little. I guess I smelled pretty bad. But it was hot the night before, you see, so I smelled like a combination of sweat, stale beer, cigarette smoke, and I'm sure a few other things some industrial-strength cleansers probably would have had a tough time getting out of my clothes.
It was an eye-opening experience for me (and an eye-watering one for the other students, I'm assuming) because nothing like that had ever happened to me. From then on I made sure that, even if it meant going to class late, I would at least put on a clean shirt before I left the apartment.
So. Is this story true? Did I really go to class smelling like something pulled out of the dumpster at a really bad British-Taiwanese-fusion restaurant? The Truth will be revealed next week! Till then,
-andy
[9/27/2002 1:19:00 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like, What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up."
- Lenny Bruce
[9/27/2002 1:25:57 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Reasons I Haven't Updated This Page This Week
1) My boring life has sunk to a new low, giving me absolutely nothing to write about
2) Old-age has begun to creep into me causing me to forget about updating the pages
3) I found something else to do while at work: work!
4) For once I was at a loss for words
5) Like a ninja I keep my movements secret and hidden
"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like, What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up."
- Lenny Bruce
[9/27/2002 1:25:57 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Reasons I Haven't Updated This Page This Week
1) My boring life has sunk to a new low, giving me absolutely nothing to write about
2) Old-age has begun to creep into me causing me to forget about updating the pages
3) I found something else to do while at work: work!
4) For once I was at a loss for words
5) Like a ninja I keep my movements secret and hidden
[9/20/2002 9:37:39 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Time-Travel Movies
1) Back to the Future (1985)
2) The Final Countdown (1980)
3) The Terminator (1984)
4) Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991)
5) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
[9/20/2002 11:36:46 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Everyone's a victim. Circumstances don't matter. You're a victim and I'm a victim. A victim of what? you ask. We're victims of our society, of course!
There are two young girls in New York whose parents are suing McDonalds because the girls are obese. The names of the girls are being withheld because they are minors, but it is known that one girl is 5'9" and 270 pounds, the other is 5'3" and 200 pounds. They say that they have eaten Happy Meals at McDonalds a few times a week for the past few years. They say that McDonalds' advertising makes the meals look too enticing to resist.
I don't think this case should make it to court. I think that the legal system should laugh at this and let it rot and only mention it as the punchline to a joke told during Happy Hour on a Friday night.
The Happy Meal is nothing new. I grew up with it. My friends grew up with it. None of us are suing McDonalds. Some of us are overweight but we are not blaming the fast food industry. I blame myself for being too lazy and unmotivated to do anything about my "spare tire". Of course, this mindset is very unfashionable in the legal world as it negates the "victim" in me.
Actually, this is pretty cool because it sets a legal precedent, doesn't it? We can sue someone because we turned out different than "normal" people and such differences make us uncomfortable, which is unfair. Where is the ACLU when you need them?!
Therefore, in the interest of fairness, from now on I will be "The Victim" because I want to be treated fairly and I want heaps of money as compensation for years of unfair treatment. And, if suing the fast food companies is the only way to get it (aside from working hard and armed robbery), then, by Jove, I'm going to do it! First of all, I need to identify the ways in which I am have been victimized over the years.
I Have Been Victimized by:
1) Fast food - enough said.
2) Video games - these "games" dulled my senses and ruined my vision. They caused me to sit in front of a tv instead of going outside to play, not letting me work off the calories from the fast food I had just eaten.
3) Television - after I was done playing video games I would watch tv. The commercials for the new shows look so good, how can I rationalize missing a single moment? There's a reason they call it "Must See TV", you know. And besides, I didn't want to be the only kid in school who didn't watch the show. Sure, I could have been reading, but my eyes were too far gone because of all the video games I played.
4) Hollywood - Instead of playing little league baseball I'd go to the movies on weekends because it's easier, I don't sweat and I don't have to feel like a loser if my team doesn't win. The movie theater is just too inviting. Plus there's popcorn with butter. And candy.
5) Health foods - the companies who advertise health foods make me feel bad about myself because I don't eat their product and because I don't look like the people they show eating their product. This makes me have even lower self-esteem.
So it's plain to see that I have been a victim for far too long. Now all I need is a greasy lawyer to take up my case and head on to the courts. I estimate that once all of my lawsuits are won, I will be a multi-billionaire. That would be great because then I could buy all the video games I want.
[9/20/2002 9:16:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
- Homer Simpson
[9/20/2002 10:15:38 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks. Today I will post the answer to last week's Truth or Fiction. But first, the question: Was I accused of tying Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk in 2nd grade and did I do it?
The answer is: of course I didn't!!! Brian Domkey and I were good friends. This incident actually happened in 4th grade, in Mrs. Fernandez' class. The culprit was Keri Ann Locz and the poor victim was Evan Genaud. Keri Ann got into a heap of trouble over that, but it was still pretty funny.
Congratulations to those of you who got the correct answer! Here is this week's Truth or Fiction:
In sixth grade my teachers were Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Fox. Mrs. Fox was pretty nasty at times, but overall she was nice. Autumn Grovenger didn't think so, though, and one day as we were leaving for lunch, put thumb tacks on Mrs. Fox's chair - pointy side-up. As class was starting again upon returning from lunch, Mrs. Fox sat on them and let out a horrific scream. She jumped up like in a cartoon and, had she jumped any higher, I'm sure that her head would have gone through the ceiling and stuck there. I was one of the only kids laughing at the incident and blame was therefore placed on my shoulders.
Jon Dikun eventually came forward (about 5 minutes later) and said that Autumn had mentioned during gym class that she wanted to do pull that prank. She denied it at first, but soon enough came clean. Yours truly was exonerated. It was at that moment that my six-year crush on Autumn Grovenger officially ended.
So there you have it, folks. Was I once again accused of playing a horrible prank? If so, did Autumn put the tacks down or did I? The answer will be revealed in next week's Truth or Fiction! Till then,
-andy
Top 5 Favorite Time-Travel Movies
1) Back to the Future (1985)
2) The Final Countdown (1980)
3) The Terminator (1984)
4) Terminator II: Judgement Day (1991)
5) Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
[9/20/2002 11:36:46 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Everyone's a victim. Circumstances don't matter. You're a victim and I'm a victim. A victim of what? you ask. We're victims of our society, of course!
There are two young girls in New York whose parents are suing McDonalds because the girls are obese. The names of the girls are being withheld because they are minors, but it is known that one girl is 5'9" and 270 pounds, the other is 5'3" and 200 pounds. They say that they have eaten Happy Meals at McDonalds a few times a week for the past few years. They say that McDonalds' advertising makes the meals look too enticing to resist.
I don't think this case should make it to court. I think that the legal system should laugh at this and let it rot and only mention it as the punchline to a joke told during Happy Hour on a Friday night.
The Happy Meal is nothing new. I grew up with it. My friends grew up with it. None of us are suing McDonalds. Some of us are overweight but we are not blaming the fast food industry. I blame myself for being too lazy and unmotivated to do anything about my "spare tire". Of course, this mindset is very unfashionable in the legal world as it negates the "victim" in me.
Actually, this is pretty cool because it sets a legal precedent, doesn't it? We can sue someone because we turned out different than "normal" people and such differences make us uncomfortable, which is unfair. Where is the ACLU when you need them?!
Therefore, in the interest of fairness, from now on I will be "The Victim" because I want to be treated fairly and I want heaps of money as compensation for years of unfair treatment. And, if suing the fast food companies is the only way to get it (aside from working hard and armed robbery), then, by Jove, I'm going to do it! First of all, I need to identify the ways in which I am have been victimized over the years.
I Have Been Victimized by:
1) Fast food - enough said.
2) Video games - these "games" dulled my senses and ruined my vision. They caused me to sit in front of a tv instead of going outside to play, not letting me work off the calories from the fast food I had just eaten.
3) Television - after I was done playing video games I would watch tv. The commercials for the new shows look so good, how can I rationalize missing a single moment? There's a reason they call it "Must See TV", you know. And besides, I didn't want to be the only kid in school who didn't watch the show. Sure, I could have been reading, but my eyes were too far gone because of all the video games I played.
4) Hollywood - Instead of playing little league baseball I'd go to the movies on weekends because it's easier, I don't sweat and I don't have to feel like a loser if my team doesn't win. The movie theater is just too inviting. Plus there's popcorn with butter. And candy.
5) Health foods - the companies who advertise health foods make me feel bad about myself because I don't eat their product and because I don't look like the people they show eating their product. This makes me have even lower self-esteem.
So it's plain to see that I have been a victim for far too long. Now all I need is a greasy lawyer to take up my case and head on to the courts. I estimate that once all of my lawsuits are won, I will be a multi-billionaire. That would be great because then I could buy all the video games I want.
[9/20/2002 9:16:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."
- Homer Simpson
[9/20/2002 10:15:38 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks. Today I will post the answer to last week's Truth or Fiction. But first, the question: Was I accused of tying Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk in 2nd grade and did I do it?
The answer is: of course I didn't!!! Brian Domkey and I were good friends. This incident actually happened in 4th grade, in Mrs. Fernandez' class. The culprit was Keri Ann Locz and the poor victim was Evan Genaud. Keri Ann got into a heap of trouble over that, but it was still pretty funny.
Congratulations to those of you who got the correct answer! Here is this week's Truth or Fiction:
In sixth grade my teachers were Mr. Wilson and Mrs. Fox. Mrs. Fox was pretty nasty at times, but overall she was nice. Autumn Grovenger didn't think so, though, and one day as we were leaving for lunch, put thumb tacks on Mrs. Fox's chair - pointy side-up. As class was starting again upon returning from lunch, Mrs. Fox sat on them and let out a horrific scream. She jumped up like in a cartoon and, had she jumped any higher, I'm sure that her head would have gone through the ceiling and stuck there. I was one of the only kids laughing at the incident and blame was therefore placed on my shoulders.
Jon Dikun eventually came forward (about 5 minutes later) and said that Autumn had mentioned during gym class that she wanted to do pull that prank. She denied it at first, but soon enough came clean. Yours truly was exonerated. It was at that moment that my six-year crush on Autumn Grovenger officially ended.
So there you have it, folks. Was I once again accused of playing a horrible prank? If so, did Autumn put the tacks down or did I? The answer will be revealed in next week's Truth or Fiction! Till then,
-andy
[9/17/2002 11:57:14 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
- Jack Mayberry
[9/17/2002 1:21:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Disney animated features
1) Sleeping Beauty (1959)
2) Aladdin (1993)
3) Lilo and Stitch (2002)
4) Beauty and the Beast (1991)
5) The Fox and the Hound (1981)
[9/17/2002 12:43:15 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Snack Foods
1) Popcorn
2) Cheez-It
3) Goldfish
4) Bugles
5) Cheetos (crunchy)
[9/17/2002 3:14:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I don't understand the military.
For an organization that typically frowns upon having gay people in their ranks, men in particular, it certainly strikes me as odd that in the army you and your peers are called Privates and in the Navy you are Seamen. Of course a gay man is going to want to be a part of that.
The worst part is that this mentality starts early. The proof? When you join the Boy Scouts as a young boy you start out as a Webelo (pronounced We Blow. that's really how it's pronounced, scouts' honor).
Go ahead, string the words together and make your own jokes. But keep in mind that we put our Privates and Seamen on the line everyday to defend the freedom that we hold so dear.
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache."
- Jack Mayberry
[9/17/2002 1:21:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Disney animated features
1) Sleeping Beauty (1959)
2) Aladdin (1993)
3) Lilo and Stitch (2002)
4) Beauty and the Beast (1991)
5) The Fox and the Hound (1981)
[9/17/2002 12:43:15 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Snack Foods
1) Popcorn
2) Cheez-It
3) Goldfish
4) Bugles
5) Cheetos (crunchy)
[9/17/2002 3:14:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I don't understand the military.
For an organization that typically frowns upon having gay people in their ranks, men in particular, it certainly strikes me as odd that in the army you and your peers are called Privates and in the Navy you are Seamen. Of course a gay man is going to want to be a part of that.
The worst part is that this mentality starts early. The proof? When you join the Boy Scouts as a young boy you start out as a Webelo (pronounced We Blow. that's really how it's pronounced, scouts' honor).
Go ahead, string the words together and make your own jokes. But keep in mind that we put our Privates and Seamen on the line everyday to defend the freedom that we hold so dear.
[9/15/2002 2:00:49 AM | Andy Kovacs]
A couple of weeks ago, Tiff and I had driven to my parents' house on a Saturday morning. On the way I stopped at a rest station on the New Jersey Turnpike because I needed some coffee and to, well, "rest" for a moment.
I went to use the facilities, which were, in true turnpike rest station fashion, horrendously dirty. The urinals were either all occupied or situated next to a particularly grimy gentleman so I went to pee in one of the stalls. On the wall, the following piece of poetry was written:
Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their sh!t in little balls.
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of sh!t
I was fairly amused. I washed up and upon emerging from the restroom, I noticed something that had escaped me countless times before: almost all the patrons were of Asian descent.
Sure, there were some people of other ethnicity, but the overwhelming majority of patrons were asian. Then I started to get this odd sort of feeling that all the asians were casting a scrutinizing eye my way, probably because I wasn't carrying a camera and urging some other asians to stand in front of the Burger King sign so I could take their picture. I think they were suspicious. Either that or they were annoyed that I wasn't taking their picture.
I left in a hurry and started back on my way to my parents' house. The weekend was fun but soon enough it was Sunday evening and time to go home. I had to stop at another rest area on the way home to wake up a bit, but also because I wanted to see if what I had witnessed the day before still held true. Again, almost all the patrons were asian.
What is going on here?, I asked myself.
Then I recalled that in China it is illegal to have more than one child. Therefore when a woman finds that she is pregnant with a second child, she will immigrate to this country via Ellis Island. That explains the number of asians in New York and New Jersey.
But why do they congregate at the turnpike rest areas and why was I never invited?
It then dawned on me that I don't like other asian people with the exception of my sister, and my friends Kelly, Lenny, Brian, and, Chisu, and, the answer to the first part of the question is quite simple: everybody knows that, scribbled on the inside of every door of every stall in womens' restrooms throughout China is the following poem:
If you want one million kids
Or as many as you like,
Join the Asian-Singles scene
On the New Jersey Turnpike.
A couple of weeks ago, Tiff and I had driven to my parents' house on a Saturday morning. On the way I stopped at a rest station on the New Jersey Turnpike because I needed some coffee and to, well, "rest" for a moment.
I went to use the facilities, which were, in true turnpike rest station fashion, horrendously dirty. The urinals were either all occupied or situated next to a particularly grimy gentleman so I went to pee in one of the stalls. On the wall, the following piece of poetry was written:
Those who write on bathroom walls
Roll their sh!t in little balls.
Those who read those words of wit
Eat those little balls of sh!t
I was fairly amused. I washed up and upon emerging from the restroom, I noticed something that had escaped me countless times before: almost all the patrons were of Asian descent.
Sure, there were some people of other ethnicity, but the overwhelming majority of patrons were asian. Then I started to get this odd sort of feeling that all the asians were casting a scrutinizing eye my way, probably because I wasn't carrying a camera and urging some other asians to stand in front of the Burger King sign so I could take their picture. I think they were suspicious. Either that or they were annoyed that I wasn't taking their picture.
I left in a hurry and started back on my way to my parents' house. The weekend was fun but soon enough it was Sunday evening and time to go home. I had to stop at another rest area on the way home to wake up a bit, but also because I wanted to see if what I had witnessed the day before still held true. Again, almost all the patrons were asian.
What is going on here?, I asked myself.
Then I recalled that in China it is illegal to have more than one child. Therefore when a woman finds that she is pregnant with a second child, she will immigrate to this country via Ellis Island. That explains the number of asians in New York and New Jersey.
But why do they congregate at the turnpike rest areas and why was I never invited?
It then dawned on me that I don't like other asian people with the exception of my sister, and my friends Kelly, Lenny, Brian, and, Chisu, and, the answer to the first part of the question is quite simple: everybody knows that, scribbled on the inside of every door of every stall in womens' restrooms throughout China is the following poem:
If you want one million kids
Or as many as you like,
Join the Asian-Singles scene
On the New Jersey Turnpike.
[9/13/2002 2:28:44 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter."
- Harry Morgan
[9/13/2002 4:50:59 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Beers
1) Guinness
2) Elephant Beer
3) Corona
4) Miller Lite
5) Yuengling Lager
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six shooter."
- Harry Morgan
[9/13/2002 4:50:59 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Beers
1) Guinness
2) Elephant Beer
3) Corona
4) Miller Lite
5) Yuengling Lager
[9/12/2002 9:05:17 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"If you're deep enough in denial to actually think that you had a happy childhood, there's always a shrink who will tell you that you must be forgetting something."
- Dennis Miller
[9/12/2002 1:10:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
In & Out
Kevin Kline stars as a High School English teacher who is "outed" by a former-student-turned-Academy-award-winning-actor in said former student's acceptance speech at the Oscars.
The movie's premise is simple enough to understand: a man who is about to get married is told that he is gay and needs to prove to the small midwestern town in which he lives, and to himself, that he is not.
I didn't know what to expect when this movie came out. I had heard from friends that it wasn't good. I had heard from people that it was great. I didn't know what to think and it ended up that I didn't have the money to go see it anyway (being in college and all), so I forgot about it. Then Tiff made me watch it last year and, Dear God this movie was hilarious!
You would think that with a premise so simple, the jokes would get old and stale quicker than a video tape of Rodney Dangerfield playing on a continuous loop. After all, once you've heard one gay joke you've heard them all, right? In & Out does well with the material that it was presented with, making the most of the actors as well as the script. Kevin Kline was, in my mind, the perfect person to play the "outed" teacher and Joan Cusack's fiery temper was the perfect match for Kline's trying-to-remain-unruffled demeanor.
The biggest surprise for me, however, is that Tom Selleck and Kevin Kline share an on-screen kiss, the likes of which reminded me of the old photo of the sailor in Times Square smooching his gal after World War II ended. It's a big smooch and when it happens it's like you can hear a chorus of gay men clapping and squealing in joy. I know it's just a movie, but this part took me completely by surprise. I mean, Tom Selleck is the quintessential cool guy. He was Magnum, P.I. You don't get much cooler, or manlier, than Magnum! This is the guy who, when he got married in the mid 80's, women around the world mourned. This was one of my manly idols as a kid and here he is playing a gay person in a movie, kissing Kevin "Don't Call Me Stupid" Kline!!! Amazing. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wasn't offended, I just wasn't expecting to see that. But I guess it is only just a movie and it is only just another paycheck for Mr. Selleck.
The best scene in the movie, though, is one where Kline is at home trying to prove to himself that he is not gay, so he puts on an audio tape and, well, you'll have to watch the scene because I know I can't do it justice in this column.
The ending was credible, too. It wasn't a cop-out; in fact, it was a very good ending to a very good movie. You'll have to go out and rent it if you have the chance. I will give this movie *** out of 4 stars.
-andy
"If you're deep enough in denial to actually think that you had a happy childhood, there's always a shrink who will tell you that you must be forgetting something."
- Dennis Miller
[9/12/2002 1:10:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
In & Out
Kevin Kline stars as a High School English teacher who is "outed" by a former-student-turned-Academy-award-winning-actor in said former student's acceptance speech at the Oscars.
The movie's premise is simple enough to understand: a man who is about to get married is told that he is gay and needs to prove to the small midwestern town in which he lives, and to himself, that he is not.
I didn't know what to expect when this movie came out. I had heard from friends that it wasn't good. I had heard from people that it was great. I didn't know what to think and it ended up that I didn't have the money to go see it anyway (being in college and all), so I forgot about it. Then Tiff made me watch it last year and, Dear God this movie was hilarious!
You would think that with a premise so simple, the jokes would get old and stale quicker than a video tape of Rodney Dangerfield playing on a continuous loop. After all, once you've heard one gay joke you've heard them all, right? In & Out does well with the material that it was presented with, making the most of the actors as well as the script. Kevin Kline was, in my mind, the perfect person to play the "outed" teacher and Joan Cusack's fiery temper was the perfect match for Kline's trying-to-remain-unruffled demeanor.
The biggest surprise for me, however, is that Tom Selleck and Kevin Kline share an on-screen kiss, the likes of which reminded me of the old photo of the sailor in Times Square smooching his gal after World War II ended. It's a big smooch and when it happens it's like you can hear a chorus of gay men clapping and squealing in joy. I know it's just a movie, but this part took me completely by surprise. I mean, Tom Selleck is the quintessential cool guy. He was Magnum, P.I. You don't get much cooler, or manlier, than Magnum! This is the guy who, when he got married in the mid 80's, women around the world mourned. This was one of my manly idols as a kid and here he is playing a gay person in a movie, kissing Kevin "Don't Call Me Stupid" Kline!!! Amazing. I couldn't believe my eyes. I wasn't offended, I just wasn't expecting to see that. But I guess it is only just a movie and it is only just another paycheck for Mr. Selleck.
The best scene in the movie, though, is one where Kline is at home trying to prove to himself that he is not gay, so he puts on an audio tape and, well, you'll have to watch the scene because I know I can't do it justice in this column.
The ending was credible, too. It wasn't a cop-out; in fact, it was a very good ending to a very good movie. You'll have to go out and rent it if you have the chance. I will give this movie *** out of 4 stars.
-andy
[9/11/2002 3:57:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper and you get more feet."
- Rita Rudner
[9/11/2002 4:07:08 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1) At the dentist
2) In jail
3) Watching a Pauly Shore movie-marathon
4) Eating haggis
5) At a Golden Girls convention
[9/11/2002 10:25:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
One Year Later
September 11th Remembered
by Andrew Kovacs
The drive into work today was very pleasant. There weren't many cars out on the road. I had the windows down and the Howard Stern show turned way up on my radio. Getting out of my car in the parking lot at work brought back a flood of memories of the same day one year ago.
It was a bright and sunny morning, and the air was cool. I drove to work with the windows down while I listened to The Flaming Lips album, The Soft Bulletin.
I got inside the building and decided to head to the cafeteria to get some coffee. While I was standing in line I overheard two women behind me talking about the Twin Towers.
"I couldn't believe when they said the World Trade Center was bombed," one of them declared incredulously.
"I know. I still don't believe it," the other woman replied.
Me, being the Current Events Guru that I am (note the sarcasm), concluded that they were referring to the attack on the Trade Center in 1993 when a bomb was set off in the underground parking garage. As I was walking away from the cashier, my friend, Wil, came up to me and asked me, "Can you believe they hit the World Trade Center with a plane?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What are you talking about, Wil?" I asked.
"You didn't hear?"
"No, I was listening to a cd on the way in."
"Dude, come here. You're going to shit yourself," was Wil's reply as he took my arm and lead me to the television.
There are two tv sets in the cafeteria, each tv set was mounted on the wall and was normally tuned to either the soap operas or ESPN, depending on who was taking lunch. I couldn't hear what was being said because the volume was low and there must have been about a hundred people in there at the time. On the screen was one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen: there was smoke billowing out of a hole in one of the towers. Below the tv set there stood a crying woman, appropriately dressed in black.
I made my way up to my desk and people were milling about. They were confused, upset, shocked, horrified, afraid, bewildered, what have you. Some people were working, or, as I think of it, trying to keep their minds off of what was happening in New York City. Honestly, though, who could really concentrate? There were television sets on the sales floor, also, so I went to one to watch. While I watched the same scene as in the cafeteria, the camera cut away and showed another plane imbedding itself into the other building. Some people in the office screamed. Others cried. I went back to my desk and tried to log onto CNN.com or MSNBC.com. Neither were working due to the high volume of traffic they were receiving.
For what seemed like hours, but was actually only minutes, rumors flew. I heard rumors that it was the Russians. I heard rumors that it was a domestic terrorist. I heard rumors that the first plane was just an accident. Then the Pentagon was hit in the same manner and all airplanes were forced to land. That was when the rumors started that there were nine more airplanes unaccounted for, most likely hijacked by terrorists.
I went back to the television set to see what was happening and hopefully to see people racing out of the building. What I saw instead was the first of the two buildings collapse.
I remembered Star Wars when the Death Star blows up Alderaan. Obi Wan Kenobi, who was on his way to Alderaan aboard the Millennium Falcon, says that he feels a disturbance in the Force, "as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." And that's how I imagined it. That's how I felt. I went back to my desk.
I listened to more rumors for a while longer. I heard that a plane went down in Pennsylvania and that the White House was hit. I heard that a plane was near Camp David. I was finally able to get onto CNN.com, but the pages wouldn't load.
I went back to the tv just in time to see the second building collapse. That was when I went back to my seat and didn't move again for a long time. This probably wasn't the best thing for me to do since I sat near a girl whose father was ex-military so I was forced to sit through her talking about what should be done to whom and who did what to which and why she thinks we should bomb whomever it was she suspected was the culprit.
The company let us go home early that day. My friend, Steve, had told me to read Debt of Honor by Tom Clancy so I went to Borders Books and Music and picked up a copy of it. The woman at the cash register wouldn't stop talking about what had happened and why she thinks we would all be dead by the end of the year anyway. I remember she remarked as I was (finally) walking away that she hoped I was a fast reader.
I went home and couldn't find it in me to start the book. I had to see for myself what was happening. I needed to seperate the truth from all the crap I'd heard at work. I tuned into CNN and the rest is history.
Looking back, it's been one hell of a year. Sporting events stopped. Broadway was rocked and its future was briefly in doubt. Everywhere you went you couldn't avoid hearing God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood, nor could you avoid seeing the American flag attached in some way to everyone's car. Hollywood started to pull their punches and everyone, with few exceptions, seemed to be walking on eggshells. We don't want to offend those who lost someone in the disaster and we don't want to seem unfair to Mid-Easterners who have been living here, quite peacefully, for years and had nothing to do with 9/11. Air traffic was even stopped for a couple of days.
Eventually baseball started again, football and the airlines all got back into the swing of things. It was good to see the country start to get back on its feet after having been hit in our collective solar plexus by a wrecking ball the size of Rosie O'Donnell coming out of an all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet.
Airport security started to get tougher. Many people are still afraid to fly. There have been questions and theories as to why no one knew on September 10 about the imminent terrorist attacks. The president came under fire. The public and politicians started to cast a scrutinizing eye toward the law enforcement and intelligence agencies that maybe should have known. All of a sudden the comeraderie and unity that we all found immediately post 9/11 was gone and people started to bicker and point fingers.
John Walker Lindh was found among the Taliban. People of this country want his head on a stick. He most likely won't get a fair trial. Speaking of trials, in a year when the people of this country have looked inward for strength and looked toward God as a Pillar, He was taken away. He was taken because one man, who is an atheist, didn't think his daughter, who is not an atheist, should be subjected to having to say and/or hear the Pledge of Allegiance, which contained the phrase "under God", in school everyday. Is it really any wonder that this man is divorced?
It has been quite a year. One that will never be forgotten. Many people ask, "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was shot?" I don't. Of course, I was born 12 years after the fact. People also ask, "Where were you when the Challenger blew up?" I was in school that day. Where were you? Now this new generation can have an answer when someone asks, "Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?"
Well? The question begs answering: Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper and you get more feet."
- Rita Rudner
[9/11/2002 4:07:08 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1) At the dentist
2) In jail
3) Watching a Pauly Shore movie-marathon
4) Eating haggis
5) At a Golden Girls convention
[9/11/2002 10:25:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
One Year Later
September 11th Remembered
by Andrew Kovacs
The drive into work today was very pleasant. There weren't many cars out on the road. I had the windows down and the Howard Stern show turned way up on my radio. Getting out of my car in the parking lot at work brought back a flood of memories of the same day one year ago.
It was a bright and sunny morning, and the air was cool. I drove to work with the windows down while I listened to The Flaming Lips album, The Soft Bulletin.
I got inside the building and decided to head to the cafeteria to get some coffee. While I was standing in line I overheard two women behind me talking about the Twin Towers.
"I couldn't believe when they said the World Trade Center was bombed," one of them declared incredulously.
"I know. I still don't believe it," the other woman replied.
Me, being the Current Events Guru that I am (note the sarcasm), concluded that they were referring to the attack on the Trade Center in 1993 when a bomb was set off in the underground parking garage. As I was walking away from the cashier, my friend, Wil, came up to me and asked me, "Can you believe they hit the World Trade Center with a plane?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What are you talking about, Wil?" I asked.
"You didn't hear?"
"No, I was listening to a cd on the way in."
"Dude, come here. You're going to shit yourself," was Wil's reply as he took my arm and lead me to the television.
There are two tv sets in the cafeteria, each tv set was mounted on the wall and was normally tuned to either the soap operas or ESPN, depending on who was taking lunch. I couldn't hear what was being said because the volume was low and there must have been about a hundred people in there at the time. On the screen was one of the most amazing things I'd ever seen: there was smoke billowing out of a hole in one of the towers. Below the tv set there stood a crying woman, appropriately dressed in black.
I made my way up to my desk and people were milling about. They were confused, upset, shocked, horrified, afraid, bewildered, what have you. Some people were working, or, as I think of it, trying to keep their minds off of what was happening in New York City. Honestly, though, who could really concentrate? There were television sets on the sales floor, also, so I went to one to watch. While I watched the same scene as in the cafeteria, the camera cut away and showed another plane imbedding itself into the other building. Some people in the office screamed. Others cried. I went back to my desk and tried to log onto CNN.com or MSNBC.com. Neither were working due to the high volume of traffic they were receiving.
For what seemed like hours, but was actually only minutes, rumors flew. I heard rumors that it was the Russians. I heard rumors that it was a domestic terrorist. I heard rumors that the first plane was just an accident. Then the Pentagon was hit in the same manner and all airplanes were forced to land. That was when the rumors started that there were nine more airplanes unaccounted for, most likely hijacked by terrorists.
I went back to the television set to see what was happening and hopefully to see people racing out of the building. What I saw instead was the first of the two buildings collapse.
I remembered Star Wars when the Death Star blows up Alderaan. Obi Wan Kenobi, who was on his way to Alderaan aboard the Millennium Falcon, says that he feels a disturbance in the Force, "as if millions of voices cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." And that's how I imagined it. That's how I felt. I went back to my desk.
I listened to more rumors for a while longer. I heard that a plane went down in Pennsylvania and that the White House was hit. I heard that a plane was near Camp David. I was finally able to get onto CNN.com, but the pages wouldn't load.
I went back to the tv just in time to see the second building collapse. That was when I went back to my seat and didn't move again for a long time. This probably wasn't the best thing for me to do since I sat near a girl whose father was ex-military so I was forced to sit through her talking about what should be done to whom and who did what to which and why she thinks we should bomb whomever it was she suspected was the culprit.
The company let us go home early that day. My friend, Steve, had told me to read Debt of Honor by Tom Clancy so I went to Borders Books and Music and picked up a copy of it. The woman at the cash register wouldn't stop talking about what had happened and why she thinks we would all be dead by the end of the year anyway. I remember she remarked as I was (finally) walking away that she hoped I was a fast reader.
I went home and couldn't find it in me to start the book. I had to see for myself what was happening. I needed to seperate the truth from all the crap I'd heard at work. I tuned into CNN and the rest is history.
Looking back, it's been one hell of a year. Sporting events stopped. Broadway was rocked and its future was briefly in doubt. Everywhere you went you couldn't avoid hearing God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood, nor could you avoid seeing the American flag attached in some way to everyone's car. Hollywood started to pull their punches and everyone, with few exceptions, seemed to be walking on eggshells. We don't want to offend those who lost someone in the disaster and we don't want to seem unfair to Mid-Easterners who have been living here, quite peacefully, for years and had nothing to do with 9/11. Air traffic was even stopped for a couple of days.
Eventually baseball started again, football and the airlines all got back into the swing of things. It was good to see the country start to get back on its feet after having been hit in our collective solar plexus by a wrecking ball the size of Rosie O'Donnell coming out of an all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet.
Airport security started to get tougher. Many people are still afraid to fly. There have been questions and theories as to why no one knew on September 10 about the imminent terrorist attacks. The president came under fire. The public and politicians started to cast a scrutinizing eye toward the law enforcement and intelligence agencies that maybe should have known. All of a sudden the comeraderie and unity that we all found immediately post 9/11 was gone and people started to bicker and point fingers.
John Walker Lindh was found among the Taliban. People of this country want his head on a stick. He most likely won't get a fair trial. Speaking of trials, in a year when the people of this country have looked inward for strength and looked toward God as a Pillar, He was taken away. He was taken because one man, who is an atheist, didn't think his daughter, who is not an atheist, should be subjected to having to say and/or hear the Pledge of Allegiance, which contained the phrase "under God", in school everyday. Is it really any wonder that this man is divorced?
It has been quite a year. One that will never be forgotten. Many people ask, "Do you remember where you were when Kennedy was shot?" I don't. Of course, I was born 12 years after the fact. People also ask, "Where were you when the Challenger blew up?" I was in school that day. Where were you? Now this new generation can have an answer when someone asks, "Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?"
Well? The question begs answering: Where were you when the World Trade Center fell?
[9/10/2002 10:41:19 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Today's quote is dedicated to all the folks I know who turned 30 this year (Steve, Kerney and Anna, specifically).
"I just turned thirty. I'm at that point in life where you want to eat Fruity Pebbles, but you're concerned about the fiber content."
- Paul Provenza
[9/10/2002 11:35:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Signs
2) Spiderman
3) Lilo and Stitch
4) The Bourne Identity
5) One Hour Photo
Top 5 Least Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Unfaithful
2) Minority Report
3) Men in Black II
4) Blood Work
5) Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Today's quote is dedicated to all the folks I know who turned 30 this year (Steve, Kerney and Anna, specifically).
"I just turned thirty. I'm at that point in life where you want to eat Fruity Pebbles, but you're concerned about the fiber content."
- Paul Provenza
[9/10/2002 11:35:41 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Signs
2) Spiderman
3) Lilo and Stitch
4) The Bourne Identity
5) One Hour Photo
Top 5 Least Favorite Summer 2002 Movies
1) Unfaithful
2) Minority Report
3) Men in Black II
4) Blood Work
5) Star Wars - Episode II: Attack of the Clones
[9/9/2002 10:54:44 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Dance your cares away,
Worries for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock!"
- Theme song to Fraggle Rock
[9/9/2002 3:06:50 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Jobs
1) J.P.'s (1990 - 1995)
2) Toys 'R' Us (1994 - 1995)
3) Woodport Deli (1989 - 1990)
4) Carlton Cards (1996 - 1997)
5) Sam & Libby (1997 - 1998)
Top 5 Least Favorite Jobs
1) The 'Other' Mortgage Company (1998 - 2002)
2) McDonalds (1989)
3) This End Up (1997)
4) Time After Time (1996)
5) Kentucky Fried Chicken (1990 - 1991)
[9/9/2002 5:23:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Hi there folks. It's been a while since my last Truth or Fiction (to which absolutely no one responded, thank you very much), so here's a new one! Hopefully the response will be a little better this time. Here we go:
When I was in 2nd grade, I was accused of tying classmate Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk. This wouldn't have raised too much of a ruckus, but the teacher found out about the prank because Brian's desk started to follow him out the classroom door during a surprise fire drill.
Is this story Truth or Fiction??? Was I really accused of this prank? Bonus Question: Did I really perpetrate such a hideous act?
Find out next week!!! Till then,
-andy
"Dance your cares away,
Worries for another day.
Let the music play,
Down at Fraggle Rock!"
- Theme song to Fraggle Rock
[9/9/2002 3:06:50 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Jobs
1) J.P.'s (1990 - 1995)
2) Toys 'R' Us (1994 - 1995)
3) Woodport Deli (1989 - 1990)
4) Carlton Cards (1996 - 1997)
5) Sam & Libby (1997 - 1998)
Top 5 Least Favorite Jobs
1) The 'Other' Mortgage Company (1998 - 2002)
2) McDonalds (1989)
3) This End Up (1997)
4) Time After Time (1996)
5) Kentucky Fried Chicken (1990 - 1991)
[9/9/2002 5:23:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Hi there folks. It's been a while since my last Truth or Fiction (to which absolutely no one responded, thank you very much), so here's a new one! Hopefully the response will be a little better this time. Here we go:
When I was in 2nd grade, I was accused of tying classmate Brian Domkey's shoelaces to his desk. This wouldn't have raised too much of a ruckus, but the teacher found out about the prank because Brian's desk started to follow him out the classroom door during a surprise fire drill.
Is this story Truth or Fiction??? Was I really accused of this prank? Bonus Question: Did I really perpetrate such a hideous act?
Find out next week!!! Till then,
-andy
[9/6/2002 3:38:11 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"You've got a Methodist Coloring book
and you color really well.
But don't color outside the lines
or God will send you to hell."
- The Dead Milkmen (Methodist Coloring Book, Metaphysical Grafitti)
[9/6/2002 10:40:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
- Groucho Marx
[9/6/2002 3:21:36 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Crushes (pre-college, non-celebrity)
1) Diane Wilton (Kindergarten)
2) Dawn Standfast (8th grade)
3) Michelle Pecorelli (10th grade)
4) Chrissy Bongiovanni (7th grade)
5) Shannon Mead (6th grade)
[9/6/2002 10:44:54 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite John Candy Movies
1) Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
2) Canadian Bacon (1995)
3) Space Balls (1987)
4) The Great Outdoors (1988)
5) Uncle Buck (1989)
[9/6/2002 11:37:26 AM | Andy Kovacs]
The Really New New Work Week
I have no problem working 40 hours a week. It gets me out of the house, it let's me flex my mighty brain ("Do I want the strawberry Pop Tart or the Twinkie? The Twinkie is 15 cents cheaper."), and it pays pretty well. I don't mind it, but the weekends seem rather short. Take today, for instance: today is friday. The weekend is upon us. I would typically get home at 6:30 p.m. and dinner would normally be at 7:30. by the time we are done eating it would be after 8pm. We would probably opt to stay in since it's already late. We would watch a DVD and be asleep by 11:00.
Saturday would start fairly early for me since I need to get the dogs out before the dog trainer starts between 9 - 9:30 a.m. Tiff and I would then eat breakfast, I would shower and get dressed. She would dawdle for about an hour and a half before taking a shower. By the time we're both ready to do something it's noon. At this point it's apparent that the weekend is flying past us. We only have 36 hours left to cram in all the junk we'd been saying we want to do. Usually this has to do with a) going to chinatown, b) going to New Hope, c) going to Peddler's Village, d) going to the shore, e) going to a movie, f) going out to dinner, or g) doing laundry (which we usually put off till we go visit my parents). That makes for a very rushed 36 hours.
Weekends are supposed to give you two days away from work. Therefore, I believe that any day that you need to go to sleep early because you need to work the next day (i.e. - Sunday) is not a day off because the knowledge of the tortures of 'tomorrow' keeps you from fully enjoying the present day. That is why I want to make the following proposition:
Make the work-week Monday thru Thursday
I can work for 10 hours a day for four days. Some people on "Flex" schedules already do this. I think this would be a blessing because then we would have our full two days off and the companies would still get 40 hours out of us. Where do I sign up?
Of course, Mondays suck. They always have and they always will. No one likes working on Mondays. Waking up is always hardest on Monday because you know that it's the day farthest from the next weekend, and traffic is also the worst on Mondays (barring any unexpected automobile accidents or escape of various omniverous animals from the local zoo). That's why I say we should be able to have all Mondays off, leaving the work-week at Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. That's a bit more manageable.
I would work this schedule.
Wednesday, of course, being in the very middle of the week, is Hump-Day. Most people opt to go out for happy hour(s) on Wednesday evening after work to celebrate the passing of more than 50% of the week. Since most people go out drinking on Wednesdays, we shouldn't really be expected to come into work on Thursday with a hangover. It's bad form both on the part of the employee for having imbibed so much the night before, and on the part of the company for expecting the people to be able to work the morning after having drank so much (and we know as a fact that most people's jobs drive them to drink so much. take my old job for example. 'Nuff said. What a viscious little circle)! Therefore, I propose that we be given Wenesdays off, too.
There you have it, folks: the "new-new-work-week" is now Tuesday and Thursday. Works for me!
But then Tuesday would become the "New Monday" and, as we already discussed above, we don't like Mondays, so we'll abolish that day, too. So the "really-new-new-work-week" is: Thursday. And there's no way to weasel out of working Thursdays, folks. After all, the companies for which we work aren't paying us to not show up.
Now I just have to get Congress to pass this "really-new-new-work-week" as law. The tricky part is that I think they are already on this work schedule. Oh well. till next time,
-andy
"You've got a Methodist Coloring book
and you color really well.
But don't color outside the lines
or God will send you to hell."
- The Dead Milkmen (Methodist Coloring Book, Metaphysical Grafitti)
[9/6/2002 10:40:09 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
- Groucho Marx
[9/6/2002 3:21:36 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Crushes (pre-college, non-celebrity)
1) Diane Wilton (Kindergarten)
2) Dawn Standfast (8th grade)
3) Michelle Pecorelli (10th grade)
4) Chrissy Bongiovanni (7th grade)
5) Shannon Mead (6th grade)
[9/6/2002 10:44:54 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite John Candy Movies
1) Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
2) Canadian Bacon (1995)
3) Space Balls (1987)
4) The Great Outdoors (1988)
5) Uncle Buck (1989)
[9/6/2002 11:37:26 AM | Andy Kovacs]
The Really New New Work Week
I have no problem working 40 hours a week. It gets me out of the house, it let's me flex my mighty brain ("Do I want the strawberry Pop Tart or the Twinkie? The Twinkie is 15 cents cheaper."), and it pays pretty well. I don't mind it, but the weekends seem rather short. Take today, for instance: today is friday. The weekend is upon us. I would typically get home at 6:30 p.m. and dinner would normally be at 7:30. by the time we are done eating it would be after 8pm. We would probably opt to stay in since it's already late. We would watch a DVD and be asleep by 11:00.
Saturday would start fairly early for me since I need to get the dogs out before the dog trainer starts between 9 - 9:30 a.m. Tiff and I would then eat breakfast, I would shower and get dressed. She would dawdle for about an hour and a half before taking a shower. By the time we're both ready to do something it's noon. At this point it's apparent that the weekend is flying past us. We only have 36 hours left to cram in all the junk we'd been saying we want to do. Usually this has to do with a) going to chinatown, b) going to New Hope, c) going to Peddler's Village, d) going to the shore, e) going to a movie, f) going out to dinner, or g) doing laundry (which we usually put off till we go visit my parents). That makes for a very rushed 36 hours.
Weekends are supposed to give you two days away from work. Therefore, I believe that any day that you need to go to sleep early because you need to work the next day (i.e. - Sunday) is not a day off because the knowledge of the tortures of 'tomorrow' keeps you from fully enjoying the present day. That is why I want to make the following proposition:
Make the work-week Monday thru Thursday
I can work for 10 hours a day for four days. Some people on "Flex" schedules already do this. I think this would be a blessing because then we would have our full two days off and the companies would still get 40 hours out of us. Where do I sign up?
Of course, Mondays suck. They always have and they always will. No one likes working on Mondays. Waking up is always hardest on Monday because you know that it's the day farthest from the next weekend, and traffic is also the worst on Mondays (barring any unexpected automobile accidents or escape of various omniverous animals from the local zoo). That's why I say we should be able to have all Mondays off, leaving the work-week at Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. That's a bit more manageable.
I would work this schedule.
Wednesday, of course, being in the very middle of the week, is Hump-Day. Most people opt to go out for happy hour(s) on Wednesday evening after work to celebrate the passing of more than 50% of the week. Since most people go out drinking on Wednesdays, we shouldn't really be expected to come into work on Thursday with a hangover. It's bad form both on the part of the employee for having imbibed so much the night before, and on the part of the company for expecting the people to be able to work the morning after having drank so much (and we know as a fact that most people's jobs drive them to drink so much. take my old job for example. 'Nuff said. What a viscious little circle)! Therefore, I propose that we be given Wenesdays off, too.
There you have it, folks: the "new-new-work-week" is now Tuesday and Thursday. Works for me!
But then Tuesday would become the "New Monday" and, as we already discussed above, we don't like Mondays, so we'll abolish that day, too. So the "really-new-new-work-week" is: Thursday. And there's no way to weasel out of working Thursdays, folks. After all, the companies for which we work aren't paying us to not show up.
Now I just have to get Congress to pass this "really-new-new-work-week" as law. The tricky part is that I think they are already on this work schedule. Oh well. till next time,
-andy
[9/5/2002 9:16:28 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human."
- John Nadeau
[9/5/2002 10:47:55 PM | Andy Kovacs]
One Hour Photo
One Hour Photo stars Robin Williams as you've never seen him before. Williams plays Seymore Parrish, a one-hour photo developer who takes a very particular pride in his work and an unhealthy interest in his customers.
Robin Williams has always been a great actor. From his debut on Happy Days as the alien named Mork to his tear-jerking farewell - Oh Captain! My Captain! - in Dead Poets Society; from Popeye to Peter Banning/Peter Pan in Hook and Walter Finch in Insomnia, he has always been one of my all-time favorites. He's an actor who is as good in a comedic role as he is in a dramatic role. Not too many actors can pull both off as convincingly as Williams.
I had heard of One Hour Photo a long time ago. I had heard that Robin Williams gets to play a villainous role. I remember how that had piqued my interest. I remember wondering if it would make me look at him in a different way, much in the same way that What Lies Beneath had changed my view of Harrison Ford and the roles that he is capable of playing.
I must admit, though, that I did see Insomnia earlier this summer and Robin Williams also plays the heavy, so I knew that he could play a bad guy, I just never knew how bad of a bad guy he could play.
Sy Parrish is a desperate loner. You've got to wonder how he came to be this way. At one point in the movie he buys an old wallet-sized black and white photo from ages ago and claims later that it is his "mother." I actually came to pity him a bit.
I don't want to give away too much, but I thought that the movie was done very well. One of the strengths of the movie, aside from Williams' performance, was the cinematography. This makes sense since it's a movie about someone whose life's work is developing pictures. Aesthetically the movie is wonderful. However, my one and only complaint is that the script doesn't really flesh out who Sy Parrish is. We know that he is a loner. We know that he takes great pride in his job; a job that most of us would not take seriously, and one that hardly any of us, consciously or unconsciously, respect. We know that he has been stalking this family for a long time. We also know that he cares deeply for them.
What we don't know is where he came from and why he lives as he does. I would have apreciated a little bit more of a background on this character that I'd been charged with watching, empathizing, abhorring, and sympathizing with for an hour and a half. I think that some information would have gotten me more emotionally involved with the character of Sy. And it's the lack of a background on Sy that is the only reason that I am giving this movie ***1/2 stars out of 4.
-andy
[9/5/2002 10:56:01 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Sinatra Songs
1) Summer Wind
2) Strangers in the Night
3) My Way
4) Luck Be a Lady
5) Witchcraft
tied with My Kind of Town
[9/5/2002 10:32:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I had a good laugh at work today. One of my coworkers was walking towards me and asked,
"Did you pass Connie?" To which I responded,
"No, I'm still trying to digest her."
I don't think my coworker got the joke.
"To err is human; to blame it on somebody else is even more human."
- John Nadeau
[9/5/2002 10:47:55 PM | Andy Kovacs]
One Hour Photo
One Hour Photo stars Robin Williams as you've never seen him before. Williams plays Seymore Parrish, a one-hour photo developer who takes a very particular pride in his work and an unhealthy interest in his customers.
Robin Williams has always been a great actor. From his debut on Happy Days as the alien named Mork to his tear-jerking farewell - Oh Captain! My Captain! - in Dead Poets Society; from Popeye to Peter Banning/Peter Pan in Hook and Walter Finch in Insomnia, he has always been one of my all-time favorites. He's an actor who is as good in a comedic role as he is in a dramatic role. Not too many actors can pull both off as convincingly as Williams.
I had heard of One Hour Photo a long time ago. I had heard that Robin Williams gets to play a villainous role. I remember how that had piqued my interest. I remember wondering if it would make me look at him in a different way, much in the same way that What Lies Beneath had changed my view of Harrison Ford and the roles that he is capable of playing.
I must admit, though, that I did see Insomnia earlier this summer and Robin Williams also plays the heavy, so I knew that he could play a bad guy, I just never knew how bad of a bad guy he could play.
Sy Parrish is a desperate loner. You've got to wonder how he came to be this way. At one point in the movie he buys an old wallet-sized black and white photo from ages ago and claims later that it is his "mother." I actually came to pity him a bit.
I don't want to give away too much, but I thought that the movie was done very well. One of the strengths of the movie, aside from Williams' performance, was the cinematography. This makes sense since it's a movie about someone whose life's work is developing pictures. Aesthetically the movie is wonderful. However, my one and only complaint is that the script doesn't really flesh out who Sy Parrish is. We know that he is a loner. We know that he takes great pride in his job; a job that most of us would not take seriously, and one that hardly any of us, consciously or unconsciously, respect. We know that he has been stalking this family for a long time. We also know that he cares deeply for them.
What we don't know is where he came from and why he lives as he does. I would have apreciated a little bit more of a background on this character that I'd been charged with watching, empathizing, abhorring, and sympathizing with for an hour and a half. I think that some information would have gotten me more emotionally involved with the character of Sy. And it's the lack of a background on Sy that is the only reason that I am giving this movie ***1/2 stars out of 4.
-andy
[9/5/2002 10:56:01 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Sinatra Songs
1) Summer Wind
2) Strangers in the Night
3) My Way
4) Luck Be a Lady
5) Witchcraft
tied with My Kind of Town
[9/5/2002 10:32:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I had a good laugh at work today. One of my coworkers was walking towards me and asked,
"Did you pass Connie?" To which I responded,
"No, I'm still trying to digest her."
I don't think my coworker got the joke.
[9/3/2002 3:04:30 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections."
- Argus Hamilton
[9/3/2002 3:15:33 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Robin Williams Movies
1) Dead Poets Society (1989)
2) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
3) Hook (1991)
4) One Hour Photo (2002)
5) Popeye (1980)
[9/3/2002 3:48:42 PM | Andy Kovacs]
The New Guy
The New Guy stars DJ Qualls (that really sickeningly scrawny kid from Road Trip) as Dizzy 'Gil' Harrison. It's the story of a loser who, with the help of a convict and both fellow convicts and prison officials, undergoes a major makeover both physically and mentally. The 'Hero' then changes schools and becomes a living legend of sorts.
This is your classic 'Rags-to-Riches' film but with a dollup teen-angst-comedy. I wasn't rolling on the floor, but there were moments when I laughed out loud and kept chuckling for a few moments afterward, which, all things considered, is all that anyone can ask of it.
What had lead me to not like this movie much initially was that the movie felt rushed. The moments that were sentimental weren't given time to develop resulting in a detached identification with the characters. For instance: there is a scene in which Gil (Qualls) is in a music store in the shopping mall with Danielle (Eliza Dushku). He runs into his best friends from his old school (the dorks) and he sloughs them off so that Danielle wouldn't find out his true nature. Gil then shows up to the dorks' garage-band rehearsal and apologizes. No conflict, no slightly-angry words. Nothing. The two parties make up and that is that.
But then I remembered that this is just a simple screwball comedy aimed at the lowest-common denominator (yes, myself included) whose sole objective is to make the audience laugh (and to try to make as much money as possible in the theaters and on video). The New Guy made me laugh and that's all I can ask of a movie like this. This movie isn't going to win any awards and I can guarantee that the producers never had any misconceived notions of its (non)greatness. Don't go looking for anything profound. If you decide to see it, just let yourself laugh and enjoy the movie. Looking critically at the first half of the movie was my biggest mistake. I'll give The New Guy **1/2 stars out of 4. It's worth the rental, but not the late fee.
-andy
"ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections."
- Argus Hamilton
[9/3/2002 3:15:33 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Robin Williams Movies
1) Dead Poets Society (1989)
2) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)
3) Hook (1991)
4) One Hour Photo (2002)
5) Popeye (1980)
[9/3/2002 3:48:42 PM | Andy Kovacs]
The New Guy
The New Guy stars DJ Qualls (that really sickeningly scrawny kid from Road Trip) as Dizzy 'Gil' Harrison. It's the story of a loser who, with the help of a convict and both fellow convicts and prison officials, undergoes a major makeover both physically and mentally. The 'Hero' then changes schools and becomes a living legend of sorts.
This is your classic 'Rags-to-Riches' film but with a dollup teen-angst-comedy. I wasn't rolling on the floor, but there were moments when I laughed out loud and kept chuckling for a few moments afterward, which, all things considered, is all that anyone can ask of it.
What had lead me to not like this movie much initially was that the movie felt rushed. The moments that were sentimental weren't given time to develop resulting in a detached identification with the characters. For instance: there is a scene in which Gil (Qualls) is in a music store in the shopping mall with Danielle (Eliza Dushku). He runs into his best friends from his old school (the dorks) and he sloughs them off so that Danielle wouldn't find out his true nature. Gil then shows up to the dorks' garage-band rehearsal and apologizes. No conflict, no slightly-angry words. Nothing. The two parties make up and that is that.
But then I remembered that this is just a simple screwball comedy aimed at the lowest-common denominator (yes, myself included) whose sole objective is to make the audience laugh (and to try to make as much money as possible in the theaters and on video). The New Guy made me laugh and that's all I can ask of a movie like this. This movie isn't going to win any awards and I can guarantee that the producers never had any misconceived notions of its (non)greatness. Don't go looking for anything profound. If you decide to see it, just let yourself laugh and enjoy the movie. Looking critically at the first half of the movie was my biggest mistake. I'll give The New Guy **1/2 stars out of 4. It's worth the rental, but not the late fee.
-andy
[8/25/2002 12:26:38 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Bands or Vocalists
1) R.E.M.
2) Phish
3) Faith No More
4) They Might Be Giants
5) Weird Al Yankovich
Top 5 Favorite Bands or Vocalists
1) R.E.M.
2) Phish
3) Faith No More
4) They Might Be Giants
5) Weird Al Yankovich
[8/24/2002 4:39:20 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family."
- Homer Simpson
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
-Homer Simpson
[8/24/2002 5:09:58 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Harrison Ford Movies
1) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
2) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
3) Blade Runner (1982)
4) The Fugitive (1993)
5) What Lies Beneath (2000)
tied with Mosquito Coast (1986)
"Remember, as far as anyone knows, we're a nice, normal family."
- Homer Simpson
"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"
-Homer Simpson
[8/24/2002 5:09:58 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Harrison Ford Movies
1) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
2) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)
3) Blade Runner (1982)
4) The Fugitive (1993)
5) What Lies Beneath (2000)
tied with Mosquito Coast (1986)
[8/22/2002 4:17:41 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six-shooter."
- Harry Morgan
[8/22/2002 5:04:25 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 High School Memories
1) Suburban surfing on Ray Kuhl's car (Summer 1993)
2) The day Mike Ballard got his driver's license (March 1992)
3) A Boring Day at Andy's House (Summer 1993)
4) Chauffering Ray Kuhl's dates with Amy Miliano (Summer 1992)
5) The Woodport Deli (Summer 1989 - Spring 1990)
Email me and/or Comment and I will address whichever you want to know more about!
[8/22/2002 4:42:17 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Places I Want to Visit
1) Japan
2) Romania
3) New Orleans
4) Australia
5) Brazil
[8/22/2002 4:38:59 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Most Memorable Smells
1) Bleach (an all-around good, clean smell; a throwback to J.P.'s and Tara Farley)
2) Ammonia (not mixed with the bleach, though. Also from J.P.'s)
3) Fried Chicken (reminds me of KFC and karate)
4) Cigarette Butts and Stale Beer (brings me back to my fraternity days)
5) Cat Pee (reminds me of countless sleepless nights spent at Ray's house trying to beat various Nintendo games)
"Never insult seven men if you're only carrying a six-shooter."
- Harry Morgan
[8/22/2002 5:04:25 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 High School Memories
1) Suburban surfing on Ray Kuhl's car (Summer 1993)
2) The day Mike Ballard got his driver's license (March 1992)
3) A Boring Day at Andy's House (Summer 1993)
4) Chauffering Ray Kuhl's dates with Amy Miliano (Summer 1992)
5) The Woodport Deli (Summer 1989 - Spring 1990)
Email me and/or Comment and I will address whichever you want to know more about!
[8/22/2002 4:42:17 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Places I Want to Visit
1) Japan
2) Romania
3) New Orleans
4) Australia
5) Brazil
[8/22/2002 4:38:59 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Most Memorable Smells
1) Bleach (an all-around good, clean smell; a throwback to J.P.'s and Tara Farley)
2) Ammonia (not mixed with the bleach, though. Also from J.P.'s)
3) Fried Chicken (reminds me of KFC and karate)
4) Cigarette Butts and Stale Beer (brings me back to my fraternity days)
5) Cat Pee (reminds me of countless sleepless nights spent at Ray's house trying to beat various Nintendo games)
[8/21/2002 9:10:30 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"PEDESTRIAN, n: Someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank."
- Unknown
[8/21/2002 10:02:22 AM | Andy Kovacs]
So a bear killed a 5 month old girl in the Catskills over the weekend. A truly tragic occurrence, one that I would not wish upon my worst enemy even if I had one. New Jersey's answer to this sad event is to try again to hold a statewide bear hunt. Actually, the bear hunt is still in its formative stages. The plan has been hatched by the commission on fish and game, and the bear hunt wouldn't happen until next year, but it is nonetheless still being planned.
The question is: Is a bear hunt a solution?
The ansewer is: No.
While it is true that the population of bears would be reduced, it wouldn't stop the incidences of bears entering our yards and rooting through our trash. There was a time when shouting at a bear would scare it off of your lawn. The bears have since gotten used to the shouting and are no longer afraid and continue to forage for food. Killing the bears will not stop this because any bears left are still not going to be afraid of us and they will continue to invade our properties.
So what can be done about this? There are three possible solutions to this 'epidemic':
1) Capture the bears and relocate them to a more forested area. This would be a temporary fix, because real estate developers would soon be knocking down the forests of where we had relocated the bears.
2) Get used to having the bears around. Let's face it, folks, the bears have been around the area much longer than we have. It isn't the bears who are impeding on our property, it is you and me who is impeding on their territory. As we develop more and more woodland, the wildlife will get pushed out into the open more and more often. The result is an "increase" in the deer population, the bear population, the skunk population, and so on.
If we understood the bears, we would be better suited to handle them when they come around (i.e. - leave the area immediately and go inside your house). The problem with the case of the 5 month old girl was that the mother, in her panicked state, grabbed the two older children and led them inside while she left the 5 month old, who couldn't walk, outside. Conventional logic dictates that you let the ones who can walk go inside by themselves and grab the one who can't walk. So what do they do? They kill the bear. In my mind, they should have killed the mother for being stupid.
Anyway, the final way we can deal with this problem is:
3) Stage the First Annual New Jersey Yuppie Hunt! This idea was actually one of my friends' named Rob. I really like this idea. The reasoning behind the Yuppie Hunt is that the Yuppies are the ones forcing the issue of land developement. Logically, therefore, if we eliminate all the Yuppies, there will no longer be a need for huge new homes with equally huge lots. The forests will be safe for the animals!
And just think of the fun we'd all have picking off Yuppies at 50 yards! Shooting them as they scramble for the "safety" of their Mercedes-Benz or their Lexus (you'd get extra points if you pick one off while he's talking on his cell phone, and double points if he's talking on his cell phone and reading his pager). Yep, that would be so much fun!
Well, folks, remember to be safe if you see a bear. Try to remember not to abandon anyone who is immobile when a bear is around, and, till next time,
-andy
p.s. - i'm buying a rifle this weekend.
:o)
"PEDESTRIAN, n: Someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank."
- Unknown
[8/21/2002 10:02:22 AM | Andy Kovacs]
So a bear killed a 5 month old girl in the Catskills over the weekend. A truly tragic occurrence, one that I would not wish upon my worst enemy even if I had one. New Jersey's answer to this sad event is to try again to hold a statewide bear hunt. Actually, the bear hunt is still in its formative stages. The plan has been hatched by the commission on fish and game, and the bear hunt wouldn't happen until next year, but it is nonetheless still being planned.
The question is: Is a bear hunt a solution?
The ansewer is: No.
While it is true that the population of bears would be reduced, it wouldn't stop the incidences of bears entering our yards and rooting through our trash. There was a time when shouting at a bear would scare it off of your lawn. The bears have since gotten used to the shouting and are no longer afraid and continue to forage for food. Killing the bears will not stop this because any bears left are still not going to be afraid of us and they will continue to invade our properties.
So what can be done about this? There are three possible solutions to this 'epidemic':
1) Capture the bears and relocate them to a more forested area. This would be a temporary fix, because real estate developers would soon be knocking down the forests of where we had relocated the bears.
2) Get used to having the bears around. Let's face it, folks, the bears have been around the area much longer than we have. It isn't the bears who are impeding on our property, it is you and me who is impeding on their territory. As we develop more and more woodland, the wildlife will get pushed out into the open more and more often. The result is an "increase" in the deer population, the bear population, the skunk population, and so on.
If we understood the bears, we would be better suited to handle them when they come around (i.e. - leave the area immediately and go inside your house). The problem with the case of the 5 month old girl was that the mother, in her panicked state, grabbed the two older children and led them inside while she left the 5 month old, who couldn't walk, outside. Conventional logic dictates that you let the ones who can walk go inside by themselves and grab the one who can't walk. So what do they do? They kill the bear. In my mind, they should have killed the mother for being stupid.
Anyway, the final way we can deal with this problem is:
3) Stage the First Annual New Jersey Yuppie Hunt! This idea was actually one of my friends' named Rob. I really like this idea. The reasoning behind the Yuppie Hunt is that the Yuppies are the ones forcing the issue of land developement. Logically, therefore, if we eliminate all the Yuppies, there will no longer be a need for huge new homes with equally huge lots. The forests will be safe for the animals!
And just think of the fun we'd all have picking off Yuppies at 50 yards! Shooting them as they scramble for the "safety" of their Mercedes-Benz or their Lexus (you'd get extra points if you pick one off while he's talking on his cell phone, and double points if he's talking on his cell phone and reading his pager). Yep, that would be so much fun!
Well, folks, remember to be safe if you see a bear. Try to remember not to abandon anyone who is immobile when a bear is around, and, till next time,
-andy
p.s. - i'm buying a rifle this weekend.
:o)
[8/15/2002 9:35:02 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone."
-Elayne Boosler
[8/15/2002 4:32:17 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Steve Martin Movies
1) Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
2) My Blue Heaven (1990)
3) Parenthood (1989)
4) L.A. Story (1991)
5) Father of the Bride (1991)
tied with The Jerk (1979)
[8/15/2002 11:11:24 AM | Andy Kovacs]
I got into an argument yesterday over the news story of the 2 year-old girl who died after being left in a car for almost 8 hours. Here is the article that was in the Philadelphia Inquirer.
The argument consisted of my being asked the question How can anyone forget their grandchild in a car for 8 hours? and me saying, It was an accident. At least, that's what we know right now.
I don't know which viewpoint you'll side with, but I say that accidents happen. Who knows why this guy forgot his granddaughter. Why do you sometimes forget to take your lunch to work? Why do you forget to send out your car payment? The simple fact is that it is possible forget. We, as humans, are far from being perfect.
I was then asked, But how is it possible to forget a child? So I asked, Who knows what was going through this guy's head that morning? Maybe he was in trouble at work and that was on his mind. I then countered with: Do you think it was done on purpose? to which no reply came.
See, folks, that is the obvious key. Was it intentional? If it was, let him fry. If not, leave it up to the family. The guilt that this guy is going to have to live with for the rest of his life is almost punishment enough. So far we have not seen or heard anything to even suggest that the grandfather intended for this to happen. According to the news reports, all of them have said that this were a very loving family and that he was a doting grandfather. None of the news reports I have read have even suggested that he may have planned this.
I was then accused of taking the grandfather's side. Let it be known that I was not taking sides, I was playing the devil's advocate. I understand that forgetting a child is far, far different from forgetting a lunch, but the basic principle is that the poor guy forgot. Plain and simple. Why does anyone forget anything? We just do, no matter how simple or common-sense.
That being said, it raises the following question: Do I think that the grandfather should go unpunished?
No. I think the man should be punished.
Do I think the man deserves to spend up to 20 years in jail for this?
No. "Up to 20 years" seems very drastic under these circumstances. Remember Karen Howard? She is the woman who hit a man who was changing his tire on I-95 and fled. She then tried hiding the car and then tried trading it in. She was caught and was only given 1 year in jail plus probation. Of course, she is also the wife of an Eagles executive, so their high powered lawyers had an influence, no doubt. But if she only got 1 year after a hit and run, this guy should get next to nothing.
Go ahead and say it. Say I've taken sides if it makes you feel better. Tell your friends that you can't believe that I said this gentleman should not be punished to the fullest extent of the law because a child is dead as a result of his action (or inaction, as it were). But the next time you forget to feed your pet, the next time you forget to go to the store to pick up an item, the next time you forget to buy gas for your car, ask yourself, How did I forget to do that? It was such a simple thing to remember! Ask yourself, that is...unless you forget. Till next time,
-andy
"I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone."
-Elayne Boosler
[8/15/2002 4:32:17 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Steve Martin Movies
1) Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
2) My Blue Heaven (1990)
3) Parenthood (1989)
4) L.A. Story (1991)
5) Father of the Bride (1991)
tied with The Jerk (1979)
[8/15/2002 11:11:24 AM | Andy Kovacs]
I got into an argument yesterday over the news story of the 2 year-old girl who died after being left in a car for almost 8 hours. Here is the article that was in the Philadelphia Inquirer.
The argument consisted of my being asked the question How can anyone forget their grandchild in a car for 8 hours? and me saying, It was an accident. At least, that's what we know right now.
I don't know which viewpoint you'll side with, but I say that accidents happen. Who knows why this guy forgot his granddaughter. Why do you sometimes forget to take your lunch to work? Why do you forget to send out your car payment? The simple fact is that it is possible forget. We, as humans, are far from being perfect.
I was then asked, But how is it possible to forget a child? So I asked, Who knows what was going through this guy's head that morning? Maybe he was in trouble at work and that was on his mind. I then countered with: Do you think it was done on purpose? to which no reply came.
See, folks, that is the obvious key. Was it intentional? If it was, let him fry. If not, leave it up to the family. The guilt that this guy is going to have to live with for the rest of his life is almost punishment enough. So far we have not seen or heard anything to even suggest that the grandfather intended for this to happen. According to the news reports, all of them have said that this were a very loving family and that he was a doting grandfather. None of the news reports I have read have even suggested that he may have planned this.
I was then accused of taking the grandfather's side. Let it be known that I was not taking sides, I was playing the devil's advocate. I understand that forgetting a child is far, far different from forgetting a lunch, but the basic principle is that the poor guy forgot. Plain and simple. Why does anyone forget anything? We just do, no matter how simple or common-sense.
That being said, it raises the following question: Do I think that the grandfather should go unpunished?
No. I think the man should be punished.
Do I think the man deserves to spend up to 20 years in jail for this?
No. "Up to 20 years" seems very drastic under these circumstances. Remember Karen Howard? She is the woman who hit a man who was changing his tire on I-95 and fled. She then tried hiding the car and then tried trading it in. She was caught and was only given 1 year in jail plus probation. Of course, she is also the wife of an Eagles executive, so their high powered lawyers had an influence, no doubt. But if she only got 1 year after a hit and run, this guy should get next to nothing.
Go ahead and say it. Say I've taken sides if it makes you feel better. Tell your friends that you can't believe that I said this gentleman should not be punished to the fullest extent of the law because a child is dead as a result of his action (or inaction, as it were). But the next time you forget to feed your pet, the next time you forget to go to the store to pick up an item, the next time you forget to buy gas for your car, ask yourself, How did I forget to do that? It was such a simple thing to remember! Ask yourself, that is...unless you forget. Till next time,
-andy
[8/14/2002 2:16:07 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Sci-Fi or Comic Book Movie Villains
1) The Kurgan (Clancy Brown, The Highlander)
2) Darth Vader (David Prowse, Star Wars Trilogy)
3) Khan Noonien Singh (Ricardo Montalban, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan)
4) General Zod (Terrence Stamp, Superman II)
5) The Joker (Jack Nicholson, Batman)
Top 5 Sci-Fi or Comic Book Movie Villains
1) The Kurgan (Clancy Brown, The Highlander)
2) Darth Vader (David Prowse, Star Wars Trilogy)
3) Khan Noonien Singh (Ricardo Montalban, Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan)
4) General Zod (Terrence Stamp, Superman II)
5) The Joker (Jack Nicholson, Batman)
[8/13/2002 10:50:36 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I don't know what the big deal is with the Oscars. Who'd want an award named after someone who lives in a trash can?"
- Matthew Dalton
[8/13/2002 11:07:25 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Comic Book Movies
1) Spiderman (2002)
2) Batman (1989)
3) Road to Perdition * (2002)
4) X-Men (2000)
5) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
* Road to Perdition is technically a graphic novel, but that is not why I had asterisked it. This was done because I need to see the movie again (see my Rants and Opinions page for the reason why) to be able to place it more accurately.
"I don't know what the big deal is with the Oscars. Who'd want an award named after someone who lives in a trash can?"
- Matthew Dalton
[8/13/2002 11:07:25 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Comic Book Movies
1) Spiderman (2002)
2) Batman (1989)
3) Road to Perdition * (2002)
4) X-Men (2000)
5) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
* Road to Perdition is technically a graphic novel, but that is not why I had asterisked it. This was done because I need to see the movie again (see my Rants and Opinions page for the reason why) to be able to place it more accurately.
[8/7/2002 9:14:05 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose...it's how drunk you get."
-Homer Simpson
[8/7/2002 9:24:22 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Books I've Read
1) The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck
2) The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien
3) Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
4) Ribsy, by Beverly Cleary
5) Wizard's First Rule, by Terry Goodkind
[8/7/2002 2:39:58 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Books I Haven't Read, But Want to Read
1) Slautherhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut
2) 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke
3) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
4) The Art of War, by Sun Tzu (not the novelization of the Wesley Snipes movie)
5) The Stand, by Stephen King
[8/7/2002 9:49:18 AM | Andy Kovacs]
the smell
a haiku, by andy
an acrid stench wafts
across the room towards me.
put your shoes on, dude!
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose...it's how drunk you get."
-Homer Simpson
[8/7/2002 9:24:22 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Favorite Books I've Read
1) The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck
2) The Hobbit, by J.R.R. Tolkien
3) Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
4) Ribsy, by Beverly Cleary
5) Wizard's First Rule, by Terry Goodkind
[8/7/2002 2:39:58 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Books I Haven't Read, But Want to Read
1) Slautherhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut
2) 2001: A Space Odyssey, by Arthur C. Clarke
3) The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams
4) The Art of War, by Sun Tzu (not the novelization of the Wesley Snipes movie)
5) The Stand, by Stephen King
[8/7/2002 9:49:18 AM | Andy Kovacs]
the smell
a haiku, by andy
an acrid stench wafts
across the room towards me.
put your shoes on, dude!
[8/6/2002 9:40:49 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I once worked with a guy named George who, for Christmas, gave his wife, for her big gift - and I am not making this gift up - a chain saw. (As he later explained: 'Hey, we NEEDED a chain saw.') Fortunately, the saw was not operational when his wife unwrapped it."
-Dave Barry
[8/6/2002 4:02:10 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Movie Musicals
1) West Side Story
2) The King and I
3) The Music Man
4) Moulin Rouge
5) Little Shop of Horrors
[8/6/2002 2:37:10 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Movies
1) Jaws
2) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
3) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
4) Star Wars: A New Hope
5) Dances With Wolves
[8/6/2002 11:59:28 AM | Andy Kovacs]
In case you haven't heard, doctors in Los Angeles have seperated conjoined twins. The 1 year old girls were connected at the head. Here is the article from CNN.com.
Anyway, I was reading the article, and something just made me laugh: "...separated 1-year-old twin girls joined since birth at the tops of their heads." Well, no kidding they were joined since birth! I doubt that they were joined after birth. Just my two cents!
-andy
"I once worked with a guy named George who, for Christmas, gave his wife, for her big gift - and I am not making this gift up - a chain saw. (As he later explained: 'Hey, we NEEDED a chain saw.') Fortunately, the saw was not operational when his wife unwrapped it."
-Dave Barry
[8/6/2002 4:02:10 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Movie Musicals
1) West Side Story
2) The King and I
3) The Music Man
4) Moulin Rouge
5) Little Shop of Horrors
[8/6/2002 2:37:10 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Top 5 Movies
1) Jaws
2) The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
3) Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
4) Star Wars: A New Hope
5) Dances With Wolves
[8/6/2002 11:59:28 AM | Andy Kovacs]
In case you haven't heard, doctors in Los Angeles have seperated conjoined twins. The 1 year old girls were connected at the head. Here is the article from CNN.com.
Anyway, I was reading the article, and something just made me laugh: "...separated 1-year-old twin girls joined since birth at the tops of their heads." Well, no kidding they were joined since birth! I doubt that they were joined after birth. Just my two cents!
-andy
[8/5/2002 10:27:43 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Did you ever notice when you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'THEIRS'?"
- Unknown
[8/5/2002 9:40:00 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Signs
If you read my Rants and Opinions page, you know that I was really looking forward to seeing Signs. You would also know that I really loved Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense. Did I meantion that I was really looking forward to Signs?
I was going to write a review of the movie, but I think I'll put it off for now. The reason being that I don't want to give too much away, the temptation of which is very powerful, and that I also think that this is a movie that requires discussion. Let me just say, however, that you must see this movie.
Signs has its moments where it is a little freaky and really intense. The movie itself, though, is very character driven, and extremely satisfying. The story is akin to movies you've doubtless already seen, but it is how the story unfolds and gets wrapped up in the end that is most satisfying, and that is what I do not want to give away.
It is good to see a movie that returns the suspense genre to its roots, much in the same vein as What Lies Beneath. It's a pleasure to see a movie that is as simple as this, yet so totally engrossing. It's refreshing to see a movie that can deliver scares and thrills without multi-million-dollar-special-effects monsters jumping out at the characters on screen.
I think you should go see the movie and then leave comments or email me and we can then discuss the movie. If I get to see it again, I will post more of a review, but for now, I will just tell you to see it and give it my second- **** rating of the summer.
-andy
"Did you ever notice when you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'THEIRS'?"
- Unknown
[8/5/2002 9:40:00 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Signs
If you read my Rants and Opinions page, you know that I was really looking forward to seeing Signs. You would also know that I really loved Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense. Did I meantion that I was really looking forward to Signs?
I was going to write a review of the movie, but I think I'll put it off for now. The reason being that I don't want to give too much away, the temptation of which is very powerful, and that I also think that this is a movie that requires discussion. Let me just say, however, that you must see this movie.
Signs has its moments where it is a little freaky and really intense. The movie itself, though, is very character driven, and extremely satisfying. The story is akin to movies you've doubtless already seen, but it is how the story unfolds and gets wrapped up in the end that is most satisfying, and that is what I do not want to give away.
It is good to see a movie that returns the suspense genre to its roots, much in the same vein as What Lies Beneath. It's a pleasure to see a movie that is as simple as this, yet so totally engrossing. It's refreshing to see a movie that can deliver scares and thrills without multi-million-dollar-special-effects monsters jumping out at the characters on screen.
I think you should go see the movie and then leave comments or email me and we can then discuss the movie. If I get to see it again, I will post more of a review, but for now, I will just tell you to see it and give it my second- **** rating of the summer.
-andy
[8/2/2002 10:36:50 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"When life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat your lemons, you whiner."
- Andrew Wakefield
[8/2/2002 10:48:40 AM | Andy Kovacs]
So Tiff and I are going to go see Signs tonight. I have been looking forward to this movie for quite some time now. I really liked The Sixth Sense, and I absolutely loved Unbreakable. I am hoping that this movie bests both of them.
I also hope that the people in the theater shut the hell up tonight. I do not want another experience like my Road to Perdition experience. Just in case, though, I am bringing with me a jar of honey and a colony of red ants with a real bitchy queen. Either that or I'll just go tattle to the manager and have the morons removed from the theater. Wish me luck.
-andy
[8/2/2002 12:03:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
MATHEMATICAL PROOF THAT WOMEN ARE EVIL
Women (W) = Time (t) and Money (m) :: W=t*m
If Time is Money, then :: t=m (or m=t)
Which makes the equation :: W=t*t or, W=m*m
Based on this reasoning, we now have :: W=m^2 (this stands for "m-squared")
If "Money(m) is the Root(sqrt) of All Evil (e)," then :: m=sqrt(e)
The above sets up the following equality :: m^2=(e)
Since we now know that Money-squared is equal to Evil, we are hence left with :: W=m^2=e
If we simplify this, we are left with :: W=e
Yep. Women are Evil. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing! Till next time,
-andy
"When life gives you lemons, just shut up and eat your lemons, you whiner."
- Andrew Wakefield
[8/2/2002 10:48:40 AM | Andy Kovacs]
So Tiff and I are going to go see Signs tonight. I have been looking forward to this movie for quite some time now. I really liked The Sixth Sense, and I absolutely loved Unbreakable. I am hoping that this movie bests both of them.
I also hope that the people in the theater shut the hell up tonight. I do not want another experience like my Road to Perdition experience. Just in case, though, I am bringing with me a jar of honey and a colony of red ants with a real bitchy queen. Either that or I'll just go tattle to the manager and have the morons removed from the theater. Wish me luck.
-andy
[8/2/2002 12:03:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
MATHEMATICAL PROOF THAT WOMEN ARE EVIL
Women (W) = Time (t) and Money (m) :: W=t*m
If Time is Money, then :: t=m (or m=t)
Which makes the equation :: W=t*t or, W=m*m
Based on this reasoning, we now have :: W=m^2 (this stands for "m-squared")
If "Money(m) is the Root(sqrt) of All Evil (e)," then :: m=sqrt(e)
The above sets up the following equality :: m^2=(e)
Since we now know that Money-squared is equal to Evil, we are hence left with :: W=m^2=e
If we simplify this, we are left with :: W=e
Yep. Women are Evil. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing! Till next time,
-andy
[8/1/2002 11:02:27 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth.
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."
- Eric Idle (The Galaxy Song, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life)
"So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth.
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space,
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth."
- Eric Idle (The Galaxy Song, Monty Python's The Meaning of Life)
[7/31/2002 11:32:12 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Tiff and I went to Wal*Mart tonight to pick up a few things after dinner. We pulled into the parking lot at around 8:20pm. As we were pulling in, Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles came on the radio. It was playing on Alice 104.5 FM, which is not typically a classic rock station. But I welcomed the song because, like most Americans, I love the Beatles. Great band, great music, great history.
"The Beatles don't get nearly enough airtime on the radio these days," I remarked. Tiff agreed.
So we went into the store and spent about half an hour. We got back to the car and I turned the key. Here Comes the Sun was playing again. I figured maybe it was a request show and the dj really liked the Beatles. Hey, it could happen!
As we pulled out of the spot, the song was beginning to end. Then it started again.
"What? What's going on? Did the song just start again?" I asked Tiff as we pulled onto Route 70. She didn't know, but wasted absolutely no time reminding me that, "You were the one who was complaining that they don't get enough airtime." Well, I can't argue with that, I guess.
For some reason, the song has been looping continuously for at least the past 3 hours. I don't know how long it had been playing before 8:20pm, but it is now 11:20 pm and the song is still playing. Not that I mind. I'd rather that the station repeat this song rather than, say, Barbie Girl by Aqua, or anything by Marc Anthony or John Denver.
As it stands now, I have been listening to it for about the past hour that I have been online. I just want to see when it will end, and I want to hear their explanation for it. I bet someone is getting fired for it right now. Tiff just never wants to hear the song ever again. I can't see why not...it's a good song a good song a good song a good song a good song...
[7/31/2002 3:33:48 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"As I walk in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I think to myself, 'This place obviously wasn't named by a real estate developer.'"
- Doug Finney
[7/31/2002 3:53:32 PM | Andy Kovacs]
aggrevation
I hate the traffic on I-95.
I hate the way it slows.
I hate the way that guy looked at me
with his finger up his nose.
I hate the heat, the honking and haze,
the insanity at which I am always amazed.
I hate to sing along to a song,
I hate it when other folks sing.
It makes my blood pressure bubble and boil,
it makes my precious ears ring!
I hate it when I happen to see
a helicopter for News 10 on TV
flying above and looking way down
at all the traffic in this dirty old town.
I hate the traffic lights and the tolls,
I hate the toll people, too, cuz
I hate it when they scowl at me, but
I like when they scowl at you.
I hate the cops who sit and who wait
for someone to break a law.
And when somebody cuts me off,
I hate that person even more.
I hate it when people primp, spruce and comb,
when driving and...
What did you say? We're home?
Oh, stop complaining.
That didn't take long at all.
Tiff and I went to Wal*Mart tonight to pick up a few things after dinner. We pulled into the parking lot at around 8:20pm. As we were pulling in, Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles came on the radio. It was playing on Alice 104.5 FM, which is not typically a classic rock station. But I welcomed the song because, like most Americans, I love the Beatles. Great band, great music, great history.
"The Beatles don't get nearly enough airtime on the radio these days," I remarked. Tiff agreed.
So we went into the store and spent about half an hour. We got back to the car and I turned the key. Here Comes the Sun was playing again. I figured maybe it was a request show and the dj really liked the Beatles. Hey, it could happen!
As we pulled out of the spot, the song was beginning to end. Then it started again.
"What? What's going on? Did the song just start again?" I asked Tiff as we pulled onto Route 70. She didn't know, but wasted absolutely no time reminding me that, "You were the one who was complaining that they don't get enough airtime." Well, I can't argue with that, I guess.
For some reason, the song has been looping continuously for at least the past 3 hours. I don't know how long it had been playing before 8:20pm, but it is now 11:20 pm and the song is still playing. Not that I mind. I'd rather that the station repeat this song rather than, say, Barbie Girl by Aqua, or anything by Marc Anthony or John Denver.
As it stands now, I have been listening to it for about the past hour that I have been online. I just want to see when it will end, and I want to hear their explanation for it. I bet someone is getting fired for it right now. Tiff just never wants to hear the song ever again. I can't see why not...it's a good song a good song a good song a good song a good song...
[7/31/2002 3:33:48 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"As I walk in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I think to myself, 'This place obviously wasn't named by a real estate developer.'"
- Doug Finney
[7/31/2002 3:53:32 PM | Andy Kovacs]
aggrevation
I hate the traffic on I-95.
I hate the way it slows.
I hate the way that guy looked at me
with his finger up his nose.
I hate the heat, the honking and haze,
the insanity at which I am always amazed.
I hate to sing along to a song,
I hate it when other folks sing.
It makes my blood pressure bubble and boil,
it makes my precious ears ring!
I hate it when I happen to see
a helicopter for News 10 on TV
flying above and looking way down
at all the traffic in this dirty old town.
I hate the traffic lights and the tolls,
I hate the toll people, too, cuz
I hate it when they scowl at me, but
I like when they scowl at you.
I hate the cops who sit and who wait
for someone to break a law.
And when somebody cuts me off,
I hate that person even more.
I hate it when people primp, spruce and comb,
when driving and...
What did you say? We're home?
Oh, stop complaining.
That didn't take long at all.
[7/26/2002 12:31:26 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
- Lily Tomlin
[7/26/2002 12:50:37 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Here is a peom I wrote a few years ago. My friend, Donnie, and I keep trying to get started animating it, but everytime we make plans, something comes up. I think animation would complement the story quite nicely! Let me know what you think!
reflection
by Andrew Kovacs
Today when I woke
I felt very cold.
I’d lost all my sheets,
And out of bed rolled.
I stood on my feet
And wavered a bit
Cause something seemed wrong,
It just didn’t fit.
I started to walk
Across my bedroom
Right past my toys, my
Desk and a broom.
‘Twas then that mom yelled
(she never did cuss),
“If you don’t move it
you’ll soon miss the bus!”
I ran to the bathroom,
Grabbed a soap cake, and
Ran past the mirror and
Did a double take.
My hair was now black,
When last night ‘twas brown.
My nose was not long, and
My ears didn’t hang down!
I looked really good –
For a little boy –
I realized for one
Fleeting moment of joy.
But mom started yelling
In her “bad dog!” voice
Which basically meant
That I had no choice.
She handed me sneakers,
Two socks and a shirt,
A pair of plaid of pants,
A handful of dirt.
A cherry cheesecake,
A fragile tea cup,
A hot bowl of rice and
That’s when I woke up.
I woke on my pillow,
A few times I blinked.
I walked to the kitchen
And drank me a drink.
I saw in the water
(my mind still a fog)
My real, true reflection –
I’m back to being a dog.
*SIGH*
I thought of my dream
And wished it were true
Cause if I could choose
I’d be just like you.
I would walk erect and
I would chew my food
I would comb my hair and
Not walk around nude.
I would go to school
And work day and night
To barely scrape by and
Oh. Yeah. That’s right . . .
Hmmm.
Come to think of it,
Being a dog isn’t so bad after all.
Copyright 2000 by Andy Kovacs.
"Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?"
- Lily Tomlin
[7/26/2002 12:50:37 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Here is a peom I wrote a few years ago. My friend, Donnie, and I keep trying to get started animating it, but everytime we make plans, something comes up. I think animation would complement the story quite nicely! Let me know what you think!
reflection
by Andrew Kovacs
Today when I woke
I felt very cold.
I’d lost all my sheets,
And out of bed rolled.
I stood on my feet
And wavered a bit
Cause something seemed wrong,
It just didn’t fit.
I started to walk
Across my bedroom
Right past my toys, my
Desk and a broom.
‘Twas then that mom yelled
(she never did cuss),
“If you don’t move it
you’ll soon miss the bus!”
I ran to the bathroom,
Grabbed a soap cake, and
Ran past the mirror and
Did a double take.
My hair was now black,
When last night ‘twas brown.
My nose was not long, and
My ears didn’t hang down!
I looked really good –
For a little boy –
I realized for one
Fleeting moment of joy.
But mom started yelling
In her “bad dog!” voice
Which basically meant
That I had no choice.
She handed me sneakers,
Two socks and a shirt,
A pair of plaid of pants,
A handful of dirt.
A cherry cheesecake,
A fragile tea cup,
A hot bowl of rice and
That’s when I woke up.
I woke on my pillow,
A few times I blinked.
I walked to the kitchen
And drank me a drink.
I saw in the water
(my mind still a fog)
My real, true reflection –
I’m back to being a dog.
*SIGH*
I thought of my dream
And wished it were true
Cause if I could choose
I’d be just like you.
I would walk erect and
I would chew my food
I would comb my hair and
Not walk around nude.
I would go to school
And work day and night
To barely scrape by and
Oh. Yeah. That’s right . . .
Hmmm.
Come to think of it,
Being a dog isn’t so bad after all.
Copyright 2000 by Andy Kovacs.
[7/25/2002 3:08:30 PM | Andy Kovacs]
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
- Groucho Marx
[7/25/2002 4:23:41 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning, folks. On the way in to work today I stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. I had a Sausage Biscuit with Egg, a Hash Brown and a small coffee. It tasted good, but now I am thinking about all the fat, cholesterol, sodium, and, sugars. Did I make the right choice? Is this food really bad for me?
The answer to these questions, dear readers, is: It doesn't matter!
Why doesn't it matter? Because you can eat this stuff till you're blue in the face; you can eat this stuff till you're about to pop; you can eat it till your slim 32/30 jeans become 56/30. And none of this is YOUR FAULT!
No, my friends, it is not your fault. It is the fault of the fast food industry, according to an article in today's New York Post.
There is a man who is 56 years old. He has been eating fast food 4-5 times a week because it's convenient, he can't cook very well, he's single (according to the news story on 101.5 FM), and, he thought it was good for him! Now, after 2 heart attacks, high blood pressure and diabetes, his doctor has told him he can't eat it anymore or he will die. And like any human being, this gentleman doesn't want to die, so he is suing fast food for making him want to eat this food, for making him crave it.
It's not the fast food industry's fault that this man's life is on the brink of being extinguished, folks. When Ray Croc created McDonalds, he was just living the American Dream. Sure, the commercials for fast food restaurants are annoying, but they aren't manipulative unless you allow yourself to be manipulated by them.
You keep hearing on the news about how American Obesity has hit epidemic proportions. Well then so has American Greed and Stupidity. I mean, what's next? Once we're done suing the corporations, are we going to then sue the Estates of Ray Croc and Colonel Sanders?
Mom, Dad, I love you both, but you introduced me to the Big Mac in 1980 and I've eaten a lot of them since then. I've gained a lot of weight, my blood pressure is dangerously high, the sodium has soaked up all the water in my body so it hurts when I pee, all because of my eating habits. But I believe that you are to blame since you introduced me to McDonalds, so I am suing you for millions of dollars.
It is not fast food's fault that some people do not have any willpower. As cheesy as it may sound, even Jared, the SubWay poster boy, was able to ween himself off of all the crap that he had been eating that was killing him. He just found an addiction of another kind: SubWay sandwiches.
I am not saying that the "Jared diet" is a good idea, but at least he had control. He had the willpower to stay the course and accomplish his goal. He didn't sue anyone. He didn't blame anyone. Jared looked deep within himself and found what was making him miserable, and what he was willing to do to start changing his life. This is exactly the course of action I took to quit smoking. I didn't sue the tobacco companies.
So far, the law suit has only been filed. In my opinion, any judge worth his wig would throw out this case without even hearing any kind of testimony or argument. He or she shouldn't even read the brief. But my faith in the legal system has been further shattered by a couple of recent court cases most notably: 1) The case against the Pledge of Allegiance and 2) The case in New Jersey where the 40-something female teacher slept with a then-13 year-old student. The judge ruled that the teacher would not serve jail time, even though that was her plea bargain, but would be put on probation because he didn't see any harm in what was done. Pure, unadulterated genius. It will be interesting to see where this lawsuit lands: In the courts or in the trash.
To be honest, I didn't really have fast food for breakfast this morning . I don't really like it that much, but I have nothing against it. In a pinch, it can be a lifesaver! Normally, though, I'll eat something more nutritious. One of my favorites: Fuji Apples. There's one right here in my desk drawer. I'm getting hungry so I'll talk to you later. Till then,
-andy
[7/25/2002 2:50:35 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks!
I got some good responses to last week's Truth or Fiction!. Some were posted as Comments, others had emailed me their responses, but thank you to all who had replied because now I know I am not totally wasting my time on this site.
Here is the low-down on last week's story: Last week's story was entirely the TRUTH!
Yes, David, Ray and I did, in fact, form a club that went around and collected protection money from other kids. Here's the part I didn't tell you: we only ended up collecting about $14.50. Ray and I were the treasurers of the club and we spent the money at the carnival that summer. I gave David some baseball cards in return for his share (I think I gave him an early Mark McGwire card, too, dang it all). So, was our club morally wrong? Maybe it was, but I had a great time playing the neightborhood Mafia boss that summer. I really wanted to put out a hit, but we never got around to it.
Anyway, here we go onto our next Truth or Fiction!
My mother was taking care of two kids from up the street named Justin and Karen Wahlstrom. They were both good kids, but Justin was afraid of everything, and Karen always had a stuffy nose that leaked.
At the same time, my mother was still taking care of David and Laura (see last week's ToF). Kids will be kids and David, the younger of Justin and himself, knew that Justin was afraid of everything.
Case in point: we used to play a game called Spud, wherein each person would be assigned a number. Then, a person would throw a large, plastic ball into the air as high as he/she could and would call a number. Everyone would run, but the person whose number had been called. That person would catch the ball or chase after it and, once the ball was in hand would yell, 'SPUD!' Everyone has to stop running now. The person with the ball would take 5 giant steps toward anyone (whomever was closest or whomever the person held a grudge) and throw the ball at that person. If the ball hit, the person would be assigned a letter. The loser was the first person to have an S-P-U-D on them. Well, Justin wouldn't catch the ball because he was afraid that the ball would land on his head and hammer him into the ground, just like in the cartoons.
Anyway, David knew this and would tempt fate. He would try to abuse Justin and always do things to scare him or, sometimes, hurt him. Justin, however, was a rather resilient little kid and wouldn't really give a darn what David tried. Then one day while we were plaing outside, we started to smell something rather funky. We wrinkled our noses and looked around for the source of the stench.
Justin's eyes locked onto David and he said, "David pooped in his pants!" David's eyes began to water and his face turned red and he shouted back, "Don't tell us that! Don't tell us that!" The rest of us, my older sister included, began to chime in, chanting "David pooped his pants!" And, with each successive chant, he would retort, "Don't tell us that!" until he finally ran inside, crying hysterically.
Payback's a bitch! I was never so proud of Justin...until he graduated high school as the Valedictorian of his class and was accepted on full scholarship to Johns Hopkins University.
So - is the story Truth or Fiction? I'll give the answer next week! Till then,
-andy
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
- Groucho Marx
[7/25/2002 4:23:41 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning, folks. On the way in to work today I stopped at McDonalds for breakfast. I had a Sausage Biscuit with Egg, a Hash Brown and a small coffee. It tasted good, but now I am thinking about all the fat, cholesterol, sodium, and, sugars. Did I make the right choice? Is this food really bad for me?
The answer to these questions, dear readers, is: It doesn't matter!
Why doesn't it matter? Because you can eat this stuff till you're blue in the face; you can eat this stuff till you're about to pop; you can eat it till your slim 32/30 jeans become 56/30. And none of this is YOUR FAULT!
No, my friends, it is not your fault. It is the fault of the fast food industry, according to an article in today's New York Post.
There is a man who is 56 years old. He has been eating fast food 4-5 times a week because it's convenient, he can't cook very well, he's single (according to the news story on 101.5 FM), and, he thought it was good for him! Now, after 2 heart attacks, high blood pressure and diabetes, his doctor has told him he can't eat it anymore or he will die. And like any human being, this gentleman doesn't want to die, so he is suing fast food for making him want to eat this food, for making him crave it.
It's not the fast food industry's fault that this man's life is on the brink of being extinguished, folks. When Ray Croc created McDonalds, he was just living the American Dream. Sure, the commercials for fast food restaurants are annoying, but they aren't manipulative unless you allow yourself to be manipulated by them.
You keep hearing on the news about how American Obesity has hit epidemic proportions. Well then so has American Greed and Stupidity. I mean, what's next? Once we're done suing the corporations, are we going to then sue the Estates of Ray Croc and Colonel Sanders?
Mom, Dad, I love you both, but you introduced me to the Big Mac in 1980 and I've eaten a lot of them since then. I've gained a lot of weight, my blood pressure is dangerously high, the sodium has soaked up all the water in my body so it hurts when I pee, all because of my eating habits. But I believe that you are to blame since you introduced me to McDonalds, so I am suing you for millions of dollars.
It is not fast food's fault that some people do not have any willpower. As cheesy as it may sound, even Jared, the SubWay poster boy, was able to ween himself off of all the crap that he had been eating that was killing him. He just found an addiction of another kind: SubWay sandwiches.
I am not saying that the "Jared diet" is a good idea, but at least he had control. He had the willpower to stay the course and accomplish his goal. He didn't sue anyone. He didn't blame anyone. Jared looked deep within himself and found what was making him miserable, and what he was willing to do to start changing his life. This is exactly the course of action I took to quit smoking. I didn't sue the tobacco companies.
So far, the law suit has only been filed. In my opinion, any judge worth his wig would throw out this case without even hearing any kind of testimony or argument. He or she shouldn't even read the brief. But my faith in the legal system has been further shattered by a couple of recent court cases most notably: 1) The case against the Pledge of Allegiance and 2) The case in New Jersey where the 40-something female teacher slept with a then-13 year-old student. The judge ruled that the teacher would not serve jail time, even though that was her plea bargain, but would be put on probation because he didn't see any harm in what was done. Pure, unadulterated genius. It will be interesting to see where this lawsuit lands: In the courts or in the trash.
To be honest, I didn't really have fast food for breakfast this morning . I don't really like it that much, but I have nothing against it. In a pinch, it can be a lifesaver! Normally, though, I'll eat something more nutritious. One of my favorites: Fuji Apples. There's one right here in my desk drawer. I'm getting hungry so I'll talk to you later. Till then,
-andy
[7/25/2002 2:50:35 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Good afternoon, folks!
I got some good responses to last week's Truth or Fiction!. Some were posted as Comments, others had emailed me their responses, but thank you to all who had replied because now I know I am not totally wasting my time on this site.
Here is the low-down on last week's story: Last week's story was entirely the TRUTH!
Yes, David, Ray and I did, in fact, form a club that went around and collected protection money from other kids. Here's the part I didn't tell you: we only ended up collecting about $14.50. Ray and I were the treasurers of the club and we spent the money at the carnival that summer. I gave David some baseball cards in return for his share (I think I gave him an early Mark McGwire card, too, dang it all). So, was our club morally wrong? Maybe it was, but I had a great time playing the neightborhood Mafia boss that summer. I really wanted to put out a hit, but we never got around to it.
Anyway, here we go onto our next Truth or Fiction!
My mother was taking care of two kids from up the street named Justin and Karen Wahlstrom. They were both good kids, but Justin was afraid of everything, and Karen always had a stuffy nose that leaked.
At the same time, my mother was still taking care of David and Laura (see last week's ToF). Kids will be kids and David, the younger of Justin and himself, knew that Justin was afraid of everything.
Case in point: we used to play a game called Spud, wherein each person would be assigned a number. Then, a person would throw a large, plastic ball into the air as high as he/she could and would call a number. Everyone would run, but the person whose number had been called. That person would catch the ball or chase after it and, once the ball was in hand would yell, 'SPUD!' Everyone has to stop running now. The person with the ball would take 5 giant steps toward anyone (whomever was closest or whomever the person held a grudge) and throw the ball at that person. If the ball hit, the person would be assigned a letter. The loser was the first person to have an S-P-U-D on them. Well, Justin wouldn't catch the ball because he was afraid that the ball would land on his head and hammer him into the ground, just like in the cartoons.
Anyway, David knew this and would tempt fate. He would try to abuse Justin and always do things to scare him or, sometimes, hurt him. Justin, however, was a rather resilient little kid and wouldn't really give a darn what David tried. Then one day while we were plaing outside, we started to smell something rather funky. We wrinkled our noses and looked around for the source of the stench.
Justin's eyes locked onto David and he said, "David pooped in his pants!" David's eyes began to water and his face turned red and he shouted back, "Don't tell us that! Don't tell us that!" The rest of us, my older sister included, began to chime in, chanting "David pooped his pants!" And, with each successive chant, he would retort, "Don't tell us that!" until he finally ran inside, crying hysterically.
Payback's a bitch! I was never so proud of Justin...until he graduated high school as the Valedictorian of his class and was accepted on full scholarship to Johns Hopkins University.
So - is the story Truth or Fiction? I'll give the answer next week! Till then,
-andy
[7/24/2002 9:46:18 AM | Andy Kovacs]
My wife and I went to her doctor's office last night for her first ultrasound. The technician said that we are only going to have one baby, the heart is beating at about 160 beats per minute, which she said is normal, and that she couldn't tell what sex it is.
What I want to know is: how can she tell anything?
If you've ever been to an ultrasound, you know that they first squirt a jelly-like substance on the person's abdomen, then they push a plastic thingy with a metal strip into the jelly. Then the monitor shows the following: a black screen with seemingly random white specs all over the screen.
The white specs are constantly moving and nothing stays the same, which leads me to believe that the little white specs are determined and placed by a random number generator programmed into the computer.
The reason I say this is because the technician would say something like, "Well, there's the baby! And its heart is beating, so that's great!"
As she's saying this, I'm looking at the screen, trying to discern what she's pointing at. Even when she's clicked her mouse to place 2 pointers on the screen to show us where the "baby" is, I can't make out the form of a "baby." It looked to me more like a kidney bean. I just didn't see anything that looked remotely like a baby and I usually have a good imagination.
This is like the time I had an ultrasound on my liver. The technician was saying, "There's your kidney...that's your intestine...that's part of your liver..." and I was thinking, "How the hell can you tell? It looks like you're passing over the same thing over and over again!"
But I'm not going to complain. Organs and fully developed babies are two totally different things. In the future I hope that things get to be more clear on the little monitor. I hope that the random number generators start to make better pictures of a baby soon. If not, I may sue.
My wife and I went to her doctor's office last night for her first ultrasound. The technician said that we are only going to have one baby, the heart is beating at about 160 beats per minute, which she said is normal, and that she couldn't tell what sex it is.
What I want to know is: how can she tell anything?
If you've ever been to an ultrasound, you know that they first squirt a jelly-like substance on the person's abdomen, then they push a plastic thingy with a metal strip into the jelly. Then the monitor shows the following: a black screen with seemingly random white specs all over the screen.
The white specs are constantly moving and nothing stays the same, which leads me to believe that the little white specs are determined and placed by a random number generator programmed into the computer.
The reason I say this is because the technician would say something like, "Well, there's the baby! And its heart is beating, so that's great!"
As she's saying this, I'm looking at the screen, trying to discern what she's pointing at. Even when she's clicked her mouse to place 2 pointers on the screen to show us where the "baby" is, I can't make out the form of a "baby." It looked to me more like a kidney bean. I just didn't see anything that looked remotely like a baby and I usually have a good imagination.
This is like the time I had an ultrasound on my liver. The technician was saying, "There's your kidney...that's your intestine...that's part of your liver..." and I was thinking, "How the hell can you tell? It looks like you're passing over the same thing over and over again!"
But I'm not going to complain. Organs and fully developed babies are two totally different things. In the future I hope that things get to be more clear on the little monitor. I hope that the random number generators start to make better pictures of a baby soon. If not, I may sue.
[7/21/2002 10:30:08 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Hi there folks - I was going to write a movie review tonight about the Road to Perdition. Instead, I think I'll rant here for a bit.
As many of you know, I love the movies. Always have. Always will. It's basic escapism. It gives me a chance to forget my life and totally immerse myself in someone else's. I don't have to think about much, aside from the occasional plot twist. The movies also have much better special effects than real life.
I go to movies to escape the stupid people around me; instead of being affected by them I get the chance to look at them from afar. I am not with them, therefore I am not affected nearly the same way. If someone is being a jerk, sure I may get irritated at the character, but I don't necessarily want to punch the dolt in the head.
And that is exactly how I felt during The Road to Perdition. I got the feeling that the movie was something extraordinary. I got the feeling that this could possibly be the greatest gangster movie since Miller's Crossing. I got the feeling that this movie could rank up there with the Godfather parts 1 and 2.
But I'll never know. You see, there was this butch-looking woman and her ever-so-stupid husband sitting next to me. She was explaining everything to him and, every single time there was a tenseness in the movie, the constantly-hacking husband, the super sleuth detective would say, in his low, thunderous voice, "The photographer's going to come out." Well guess what, Holmes, the photographer didn't come out so shut the [expletive] up and give up smoking while you're at it cuz if I don't kill you the tar will!
Sure, that was bad, but that wasn't the worst of it: behind me and to the right there was an older couple who also felt the need to gibber jabber about everything. And they wouldn't just talk about the movie, either. For instance, I know that their son just graduated college. Well bully for him, I hope he gets a good job and can afford to send you both to a nursing home very soon. Now shut up and let me watch the movie.
And then there were the two old ladies directly behind me who would critique the movie as it went along. Folks, this is not Mad Movies, Mystery Science Theater 3000, or anything like that. You are not the director, this is not the DVD release, so your running commentary IS NOT NEEDED. In fact, if you're the kind of person who needs the entire movie explained to them, then by all means, wait until the movie is released on DVD and watch it then with the subtitles on or listen to the damn commentary, just stay out of the theaters!
It got to the point where I looked over at the butch woman next to me, shook my head and said, "Jesus Christ, shut up!" After that, everytime the husband would talk she would say, "Shh, shhh," and wave her hand at him.
Of course, people talking during a movie is nothing new to me. When my old roommate, Dennis, and I went to see Saving Private Ryan, there was a family of Latinos filling up the row behind me and, get this: they were translating the entire movie from English to Spanish.
I like to think of myself as respectful to other people. I keep quiet during movies. I turn my cell phone off. I don't even cough during a movie. But the next time I go to a movie, I swear that I am bringing a squeeze bottle full of honey and a jar of red ants.
I'll write about Road to Perdition after I see it again. Till then,
-andy
Hi there folks - I was going to write a movie review tonight about the Road to Perdition. Instead, I think I'll rant here for a bit.
As many of you know, I love the movies. Always have. Always will. It's basic escapism. It gives me a chance to forget my life and totally immerse myself in someone else's. I don't have to think about much, aside from the occasional plot twist. The movies also have much better special effects than real life.
I go to movies to escape the stupid people around me; instead of being affected by them I get the chance to look at them from afar. I am not with them, therefore I am not affected nearly the same way. If someone is being a jerk, sure I may get irritated at the character, but I don't necessarily want to punch the dolt in the head.
And that is exactly how I felt during The Road to Perdition. I got the feeling that the movie was something extraordinary. I got the feeling that this could possibly be the greatest gangster movie since Miller's Crossing. I got the feeling that this movie could rank up there with the Godfather parts 1 and 2.
But I'll never know. You see, there was this butch-looking woman and her ever-so-stupid husband sitting next to me. She was explaining everything to him and, every single time there was a tenseness in the movie, the constantly-hacking husband, the super sleuth detective would say, in his low, thunderous voice, "The photographer's going to come out." Well guess what, Holmes, the photographer didn't come out so shut the [expletive] up and give up smoking while you're at it cuz if I don't kill you the tar will!
Sure, that was bad, but that wasn't the worst of it: behind me and to the right there was an older couple who also felt the need to gibber jabber about everything. And they wouldn't just talk about the movie, either. For instance, I know that their son just graduated college. Well bully for him, I hope he gets a good job and can afford to send you both to a nursing home very soon. Now shut up and let me watch the movie.
And then there were the two old ladies directly behind me who would critique the movie as it went along. Folks, this is not Mad Movies, Mystery Science Theater 3000, or anything like that. You are not the director, this is not the DVD release, so your running commentary IS NOT NEEDED. In fact, if you're the kind of person who needs the entire movie explained to them, then by all means, wait until the movie is released on DVD and watch it then with the subtitles on or listen to the damn commentary, just stay out of the theaters!
It got to the point where I looked over at the butch woman next to me, shook my head and said, "Jesus Christ, shut up!" After that, everytime the husband would talk she would say, "Shh, shhh," and wave her hand at him.
Of course, people talking during a movie is nothing new to me. When my old roommate, Dennis, and I went to see Saving Private Ryan, there was a family of Latinos filling up the row behind me and, get this: they were translating the entire movie from English to Spanish.
I like to think of myself as respectful to other people. I keep quiet during movies. I turn my cell phone off. I don't even cough during a movie. But the next time I go to a movie, I swear that I am bringing a squeeze bottle full of honey and a jar of red ants.
I'll write about Road to Perdition after I see it again. Till then,
-andy
[7/19/2002 12:43:36 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Today is my friend's birthday. Tracey turns 27. She is the only woman that I know of so far who hasn't complained about edging near 30. I've known Tracey for just over 3 years now. She's a good friend and an equally good sport. When we worked together I used to do so many things to annoy her; little annoying things over which any normal person would have had me killed. Anyway, once again, Happy Birthday, Tracey!!!
"In Portland, OR, a woman charged with shooting her husband, cutting up his body into little parts, and then scattering his parts around the nighborhood, plead guilty to a lesser charge. What is the lesser charge? Littering?"
- Jay Leno
[7/19/2002 9:37:01 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning, folks.
Everyday you read some news about another corporation being investigated by the SEC. From Enron to WorldCom and now PNC Bank, it seems that everywhere you turn another major company is hitting the skids, causing their stock to drop drastically, thereby decimating the pensions of its workers and also the pensions of employees from other companies whose pension invests in that other company's stock. It's an ugly domino effect. Everyone's retirement funds have been hit hard and it seems as if it's only going to get worse, and that no company is safe from these "accounting irregularities."
On this basis, I have some pretty disturbing news here for New Jersey state residents. You may have heard about it or read it if you have access to the Star Ledger. I found the article online after hearing about it on the radio this morning.
The article is titled, Taxpayers may get bill for pension fund losses.
The article states that the state of New Jersey's pension fund lost 8.6% last year and the year before it lost over 10%, pushing it's three-year average to less than a zero percent return.
The article also goes on to state that "[u]nder state laws designed to keep the state's retirement system financially sound, taxpayers must make extra contributions into the fund whenever the average rate of investment return falls below 8.75 percent over a five-year period."
This is ridiculous, folks. When did this law come into effect? How long has it been law? Who allowed this to pass? How is this fair? Didn't governor Whitman put some ridiculous amount of money like $4 billion into the fund and promise us that the pension would be good for another 30 years? What happened to all that money? That's a heck of a lot of money to lose in the stock market, if that's where it really went.
I don't believe that all the state workers should be treated to a replenishment funded by the taxpayers of New Jersey. It isn't our fault that the stock market tumbled. We didn't inflate WorldCom's reported earnings. Why should we be held responsible, then, for what the state invested in?
I believe that state workers should have to take the same hit as everyone else. Their pensions are based on the same stock market as mine and yours, am I wrong? Who is going to replenish my retirement fund?
I can see having to replenish the state police's and maybe the fire department's pension funds because, for the most part, the cops keep us safe and the fire guys literally pull our fat out of the fire. These are both jobs that I have no interest in, but seeing as they put their lives in peril to save ours, I can understand helping them out.
I can't see, however, replenishing the funds of, let's say, a data entry clerk in the Department of Health and Human Services. I can't see any way to justify our having to replenish that person's retirement funds. It would be like me trying to justify to state lawmakers why they should replenish mine.
This topic is making me ill. I don't like thinking about it and I think it's something we should raise our voices about. Write to somebody - a congressman? An assemblyman? The Governor? Oh, that's right - he's on a "business trip" in Ireland right now.
Anyway, there's something that needs to be done about this and something has to be done soon to try to avert the possibility of this action by the state. Otherwise, we'll all be crying if our taxes shoot through the roof next year!
-andy
Today is my friend's birthday. Tracey turns 27. She is the only woman that I know of so far who hasn't complained about edging near 30. I've known Tracey for just over 3 years now. She's a good friend and an equally good sport. When we worked together I used to do so many things to annoy her; little annoying things over which any normal person would have had me killed. Anyway, once again, Happy Birthday, Tracey!!!
"In Portland, OR, a woman charged with shooting her husband, cutting up his body into little parts, and then scattering his parts around the nighborhood, plead guilty to a lesser charge. What is the lesser charge? Littering?"
- Jay Leno
[7/19/2002 9:37:01 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Good morning, folks.
Everyday you read some news about another corporation being investigated by the SEC. From Enron to WorldCom and now PNC Bank, it seems that everywhere you turn another major company is hitting the skids, causing their stock to drop drastically, thereby decimating the pensions of its workers and also the pensions of employees from other companies whose pension invests in that other company's stock. It's an ugly domino effect. Everyone's retirement funds have been hit hard and it seems as if it's only going to get worse, and that no company is safe from these "accounting irregularities."
On this basis, I have some pretty disturbing news here for New Jersey state residents. You may have heard about it or read it if you have access to the Star Ledger. I found the article online after hearing about it on the radio this morning.
The article is titled, Taxpayers may get bill for pension fund losses.
The article states that the state of New Jersey's pension fund lost 8.6% last year and the year before it lost over 10%, pushing it's three-year average to less than a zero percent return.
The article also goes on to state that "[u]nder state laws designed to keep the state's retirement system financially sound, taxpayers must make extra contributions into the fund whenever the average rate of investment return falls below 8.75 percent over a five-year period."
This is ridiculous, folks. When did this law come into effect? How long has it been law? Who allowed this to pass? How is this fair? Didn't governor Whitman put some ridiculous amount of money like $4 billion into the fund and promise us that the pension would be good for another 30 years? What happened to all that money? That's a heck of a lot of money to lose in the stock market, if that's where it really went.
I don't believe that all the state workers should be treated to a replenishment funded by the taxpayers of New Jersey. It isn't our fault that the stock market tumbled. We didn't inflate WorldCom's reported earnings. Why should we be held responsible, then, for what the state invested in?
I believe that state workers should have to take the same hit as everyone else. Their pensions are based on the same stock market as mine and yours, am I wrong? Who is going to replenish my retirement fund?
I can see having to replenish the state police's and maybe the fire department's pension funds because, for the most part, the cops keep us safe and the fire guys literally pull our fat out of the fire. These are both jobs that I have no interest in, but seeing as they put their lives in peril to save ours, I can understand helping them out.
I can't see, however, replenishing the funds of, let's say, a data entry clerk in the Department of Health and Human Services. I can't see any way to justify our having to replenish that person's retirement funds. It would be like me trying to justify to state lawmakers why they should replenish mine.
This topic is making me ill. I don't like thinking about it and I think it's something we should raise our voices about. Write to somebody - a congressman? An assemblyman? The Governor? Oh, that's right - he's on a "business trip" in Ireland right now.
Anyway, there's something that needs to be done about this and something has to be done soon to try to avert the possibility of this action by the state. Otherwise, we'll all be crying if our taxes shoot through the roof next year!
-andy
[7/18/2002 8:00:53 PM | Andy Kovacs]
It might seem a bit nit-picky, but I hate it when people say that they are Lactose Intolerant. Why not just come out and say, "Milk makes me fart"? I mean, which really sounds worse? I think Lactose Intolerant makes you sound like a politically correct wuss who doesn't want to offend those who are Gastro-Intestinally Superior. I wouldn't be caught dead saying I'm Lactose Intolerant.
Me? I'm simply Allergic to milk.
:oÞ
-andy
[7/18/2002 8:45:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Lilo and Stitch
Lilo and Stitch is one of the few Disney Movies in recent years (and by recent years I mean since the Little Mermaid) that I have had the patience to watch. When The Little Mermaid came out in 1989, it was like a revival of classic Disney feature cartoons. It was an all-around wonderful movie: The animation was brilliant and vibrant, the characters were interesting, the songs were catchy, the villain was one that you loved to hate.
Next came Beauty and the Beast. I liked that one even more (even though I really dug the seashells, if you catch my meaning). The two sides to the Beast's personality was done almost perfectly.
Then there was Aladdin. Aladdin was awesome. The way the computer graphics were seamlessly integrated into the other animation added to the magnificence of the animation, the songs, Robin Williams as the Genie and Gilbert Gottfried, the perennial late-night co-keeper of the worst movies ever made, as Iago. The movie was hilarious!
I think that Aladdin was the last good animated movie Disney had made.
Let's see, what came next?
There was the Lion King, then came Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan, Fantasia 2000, and Atlantis: The Lost Empire. I did not like a single one of them. They were crap. It was like Disney had turned into a cartoon-mill of sorts, like back in the old studios in the Golden Age of Hollywood. It was a joke. Each subsequent animated film was a crude bastardization of some classic story or worse, of some History. Excuse me, but Pocahontas must have been smoking some pretty powerful peyote if she was seeing Colors in the Wind and talking to animals. What's next? Thomas Jefferson singing about the woes of his opressed countrymen to a dancing alligator? The only slightly credible films of the aforementioned animated movies are the Lion King and Fantasia 2000 because they were both original (my problem with the Lion King is that it seemed to take itself a bit too seriously, even when it was trying to be funny).
Now there's Lilo and Stitch. All I can say about this movie is: I loved it!!!
This movie was totally original, it rarely took itself seriously AT ALL, the characters were fun and they were believeable, with exception of the aliens, of course. No characters sang stupid, sappy songs, and the movie lampooned - or paid homage to - other summer movies of years past.
The animation was excellent. And the feminists should love this movie because, not only are the 2 main characters female, they are both strong-willed, smart and not built like supermodels, thereby showing little girls that it is normal and okay for women to not look like a lifesize Barbie doll or Britney Spears (just watch out for the blonde lifeguard - she could suffocate you with her quadricep).
The musical score is average, but the songs are what gives the movie additional flavor. I am an Elvis fan, so I am a bit biased, but it just added to the total experience.
I'm not going to give anything away, plot-wise, but I will tell you that it is a whole lot of fun and if you do go see it, make sure that you see it in the afternoon on a Saturday or Sunday when the theater is filled with kids. I saw it on a Saturday night. The theater wasn't filled with kids, it was split maybe half-and-half, adults/kids. But hearing the kids getting into the movie only made the exerience better for me.
I am going to give this movie **** out of 4. This is the best animated movie Disney has put out since Aladdin. This is a Must Own. Enjoy!
-andy
[7/18/2002 10:10:04 AM | Andy Kovacs]
I was watching TV the other day and some local company was advertising that if you come in for their sale they will give you a "free gift." Aren't gifts always free? If they aren't, they certainly should be!
Can you imagine your birthday party at age 7 if all of your friends came over with gifts for you but wouldn't hand them over unless you paid them?
That only happened to me once, but I was 11.
-andy
[7/18/2002 9:41:28 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal."
- Martha Harrison
[7/18/2002 10:55:07 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Now it's time to play: Truth or Fiction!
The rules are very simple: I'll write a story and you post your comments under Comments and tell me whether you think the story is Truth or Fiction!
Ready?! Here goes...
My mother did in-home day care while I was growing up. She took in twins from up the street, David and Laura. My older sister and I nicknamed her 'Juicy' because she always only wanted to drink juice. We couldn't think of anything cute to call David, so we just called him 'Sandwichy.' Hey, it made sense back then... I was 5 when they were born. We took care of them for about 10 years.
Dave and I played all the time (as a baby, he used to fall asleep with his eyes open in his highchair. it was creepy). When he wasn't at my house I would sometimes go to his house to ride bikes or play He-Man, Transformers, G.I. Joe, or any one of lots of popular mid-80's toys (Thundercats, Mask and Voltron included).
I guess we got bored with the same old thing, because one day we decided to form a club with my friend, Ray. I don't think we had a name for it, but it was fun. We went around the neighborhood on our bikes and collected 'protection money' from the other kids. "Protection from whom?" you ask. Well, protection from other kids in the neighborhood, of course! And protection from us in the event that the kids in question didn't want to pay us.
There you have it, folks! Is this story Truth or Fiction? Remember to post your guess to Comments to let me know! I'll post the results within a couple of days, depending upon the number of responses I get!!! Till then,
-andy
It might seem a bit nit-picky, but I hate it when people say that they are Lactose Intolerant. Why not just come out and say, "Milk makes me fart"? I mean, which really sounds worse? I think Lactose Intolerant makes you sound like a politically correct wuss who doesn't want to offend those who are Gastro-Intestinally Superior. I wouldn't be caught dead saying I'm Lactose Intolerant.
Me? I'm simply Allergic to milk.
:oÞ
-andy
[7/18/2002 8:45:28 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Lilo and Stitch
Lilo and Stitch is one of the few Disney Movies in recent years (and by recent years I mean since the Little Mermaid) that I have had the patience to watch. When The Little Mermaid came out in 1989, it was like a revival of classic Disney feature cartoons. It was an all-around wonderful movie: The animation was brilliant and vibrant, the characters were interesting, the songs were catchy, the villain was one that you loved to hate.
Next came Beauty and the Beast. I liked that one even more (even though I really dug the seashells, if you catch my meaning). The two sides to the Beast's personality was done almost perfectly.
Then there was Aladdin. Aladdin was awesome. The way the computer graphics were seamlessly integrated into the other animation added to the magnificence of the animation, the songs, Robin Williams as the Genie and Gilbert Gottfried, the perennial late-night co-keeper of the worst movies ever made, as Iago. The movie was hilarious!
I think that Aladdin was the last good animated movie Disney had made.
Let's see, what came next?
There was the Lion King, then came Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan, Fantasia 2000, and Atlantis: The Lost Empire. I did not like a single one of them. They were crap. It was like Disney had turned into a cartoon-mill of sorts, like back in the old studios in the Golden Age of Hollywood. It was a joke. Each subsequent animated film was a crude bastardization of some classic story or worse, of some History. Excuse me, but Pocahontas must have been smoking some pretty powerful peyote if she was seeing Colors in the Wind and talking to animals. What's next? Thomas Jefferson singing about the woes of his opressed countrymen to a dancing alligator? The only slightly credible films of the aforementioned animated movies are the Lion King and Fantasia 2000 because they were both original (my problem with the Lion King is that it seemed to take itself a bit too seriously, even when it was trying to be funny).
Now there's Lilo and Stitch. All I can say about this movie is: I loved it!!!
This movie was totally original, it rarely took itself seriously AT ALL, the characters were fun and they were believeable, with exception of the aliens, of course. No characters sang stupid, sappy songs, and the movie lampooned - or paid homage to - other summer movies of years past.
The animation was excellent. And the feminists should love this movie because, not only are the 2 main characters female, they are both strong-willed, smart and not built like supermodels, thereby showing little girls that it is normal and okay for women to not look like a lifesize Barbie doll or Britney Spears (just watch out for the blonde lifeguard - she could suffocate you with her quadricep).
The musical score is average, but the songs are what gives the movie additional flavor. I am an Elvis fan, so I am a bit biased, but it just added to the total experience.
I'm not going to give anything away, plot-wise, but I will tell you that it is a whole lot of fun and if you do go see it, make sure that you see it in the afternoon on a Saturday or Sunday when the theater is filled with kids. I saw it on a Saturday night. The theater wasn't filled with kids, it was split maybe half-and-half, adults/kids. But hearing the kids getting into the movie only made the exerience better for me.
I am going to give this movie **** out of 4. This is the best animated movie Disney has put out since Aladdin. This is a Must Own. Enjoy!
-andy
[7/18/2002 10:10:04 AM | Andy Kovacs]
I was watching TV the other day and some local company was advertising that if you come in for their sale they will give you a "free gift." Aren't gifts always free? If they aren't, they certainly should be!
Can you imagine your birthday party at age 7 if all of your friends came over with gifts for you but wouldn't hand them over unless you paid them?
That only happened to me once, but I was 11.
-andy
[7/18/2002 9:41:28 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"I bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal."
- Martha Harrison
[7/18/2002 10:55:07 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Now it's time to play: Truth or Fiction!
The rules are very simple: I'll write a story and you post your comments under Comments and tell me whether you think the story is Truth or Fiction!
Ready?! Here goes...
My mother did in-home day care while I was growing up. She took in twins from up the street, David and Laura. My older sister and I nicknamed her 'Juicy' because she always only wanted to drink juice. We couldn't think of anything cute to call David, so we just called him 'Sandwichy.' Hey, it made sense back then... I was 5 when they were born. We took care of them for about 10 years.
Dave and I played all the time (as a baby, he used to fall asleep with his eyes open in his highchair. it was creepy). When he wasn't at my house I would sometimes go to his house to ride bikes or play He-Man, Transformers, G.I. Joe, or any one of lots of popular mid-80's toys (Thundercats, Mask and Voltron included).
I guess we got bored with the same old thing, because one day we decided to form a club with my friend, Ray. I don't think we had a name for it, but it was fun. We went around the neighborhood on our bikes and collected 'protection money' from the other kids. "Protection from whom?" you ask. Well, protection from other kids in the neighborhood, of course! And protection from us in the event that the kids in question didn't want to pay us.
There you have it, folks! Is this story Truth or Fiction? Remember to post your guess to Comments to let me know! I'll post the results within a couple of days, depending upon the number of responses I get!!! Till then,
-andy
[7/17/2002 1:50:23 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I used to work for a mortgage company who paid their processors a base salary and gave them the opportunity to make an "incentive" over and above their base. The problem was that the incentive pay was based on customer evaluations, or what the customer thought of your level of service. One or two bad evals could, literally, destroy your chance of getting a $3,000 incentive at the end of the month.
The processors would nearly kill themselves to make this incentive money; heck, I worked my fair share of shifts that stretched from 8:30am till anywhere from 8pm to 1:30am (the latter being my longest shift ever and a major contributing factor to the reason that I no longer work there. well, that and the feeling of being unappreciated, overworked, deceived, etc).
Is it any wonder that Evals spelled backwards is Slave???
Hmmm...
[7/17/2002 11:44:53 AM | Andy Kovacs]
the lizard
I fell asleep and had a
dream:
I was a lizard lying on a rock
in the hot dessert sun.
the sun's heat warmed the rock
which made me warm in turn.
I woke up as my coworkers
pulled me off the grill.
[7/17/2002 10:30:36 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben
[7/17/2002 12:08:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I hate Rush Hour traffic!
It's a good thing I don't experience any.
I used to work for a mortgage company who paid their processors a base salary and gave them the opportunity to make an "incentive" over and above their base. The problem was that the incentive pay was based on customer evaluations, or what the customer thought of your level of service. One or two bad evals could, literally, destroy your chance of getting a $3,000 incentive at the end of the month.
The processors would nearly kill themselves to make this incentive money; heck, I worked my fair share of shifts that stretched from 8:30am till anywhere from 8pm to 1:30am (the latter being my longest shift ever and a major contributing factor to the reason that I no longer work there. well, that and the feeling of being unappreciated, overworked, deceived, etc).
Is it any wonder that Evals spelled backwards is Slave???
Hmmm...
[7/17/2002 11:44:53 AM | Andy Kovacs]
the lizard
I fell asleep and had a
dream:
I was a lizard lying on a rock
in the hot dessert sun.
the sun's heat warmed the rock
which made me warm in turn.
I woke up as my coworkers
pulled me off the grill.
[7/17/2002 10:30:36 AM | Andy Kovacs]
"Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben
[7/17/2002 12:08:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I hate Rush Hour traffic!
It's a good thing I don't experience any.
[7/16/2002 12:27:40 PM | Andy Kovacs]
Minority Report
Like most American men my age, I am a long time Spielberg fan. My favorite movie of all time is Jaws. That film scared me so much that I used to be afraid of anything that touched me while swimming, even if it were in a pool. Spielberg has done so many great movies in the past 3 decades that any movie of his instantly becomes an event. And Minority Report was an event I was really anticipating.
Until I saw it.
Technically, it's look is awesome. I liked the way it was shot. I liked how each scene had an almost metallic look to it. The vision of the future was encouraging and discouraging at the same time. The cars looked cool. The jetpacks looked really cool, just like I always hoped there would be in my lifetime. The retina-scanning-personal-advertising was a little upsetting from an anti-big brother standpoint.
All that aside, however, I thought the movie was pretty lame. I thought that the characters were pretty much cardboard cutouts:
Tom Cruise: the still-mourning divorced father
Max von Sydow: the hero's mentor
Colin Farrell: the "do-gooder" who wants it all
Tom Cruise's character, actually, was a little more interesting than the rest in that he does drugs! He's a grieving-workaholic-drug-abusing-precrime-agent. Very cool.
The story itself is pretty good, though there are some inconsistencies inherent. The most glaring of which is the crime that Cruise is supposed to commit. Anderton (Cruise) explains early in the movie that crimes of passion only give about a 3-4 hour lead-time, if that. Anderton's crime, a crime of passion, gives his unit a full 72 hour lead-time. Are the PreCogs playing favorites here? There are other inconsistencies, but this was the most glaring to me.
I think that most of the reason I didn't like this movie as much as I had hoped was because I think that Spielberg has forgotten how to end a movie. He's wrapped this movie up so tightly that there is absolutely no doubt as to the outcome of PreCrime. I would have liked the movie more had it ended about 20 minutes sooner. I would have loved for the film to have ended with Anderton being arrested. Or even if it had ended 5 minutes sooner. I didn't need the last little bit about how PreCrime was disbanded.
This is exactly the same problem I had with A.I. If that movie would have ended 30 minutes sooner, with Haley on the bottom of the ocean staring at the Blue Fairy statue with the little nuclear bear, I would have loved that movie and it probably would have knocked Jaws out of 1st place. But alas, Spielberg has once again killed what could have been a truly incredible movie.
I give this movie ** out of four because of the aesthetic look of the film.
–andy
[7/16/2002 11:10:04 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Quote of the day for 7-16-02
"If you ain't got socks, you ain't got much.
But if you got 'em, you might as well pull 'em up!"
- Bruce Campbell
[7/16/2002 4:25:37 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I don't like Trendy people. They annoy me.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a 6pm poetry reading at the internet jazz and coffee bar in Olde City, I left my laptop at home, and I forgot to wear my mock turtleneck today. When will it end?!
Minority Report
Like most American men my age, I am a long time Spielberg fan. My favorite movie of all time is Jaws. That film scared me so much that I used to be afraid of anything that touched me while swimming, even if it were in a pool. Spielberg has done so many great movies in the past 3 decades that any movie of his instantly becomes an event. And Minority Report was an event I was really anticipating.
Until I saw it.
Technically, it's look is awesome. I liked the way it was shot. I liked how each scene had an almost metallic look to it. The vision of the future was encouraging and discouraging at the same time. The cars looked cool. The jetpacks looked really cool, just like I always hoped there would be in my lifetime. The retina-scanning-personal-advertising was a little upsetting from an anti-big brother standpoint.
All that aside, however, I thought the movie was pretty lame. I thought that the characters were pretty much cardboard cutouts:
Tom Cruise: the still-mourning divorced father
Max von Sydow: the hero's mentor
Colin Farrell: the "do-gooder" who wants it all
Tom Cruise's character, actually, was a little more interesting than the rest in that he does drugs! He's a grieving-workaholic-drug-abusing-precrime-agent. Very cool.
The story itself is pretty good, though there are some inconsistencies inherent. The most glaring of which is the crime that Cruise is supposed to commit. Anderton (Cruise) explains early in the movie that crimes of passion only give about a 3-4 hour lead-time, if that. Anderton's crime, a crime of passion, gives his unit a full 72 hour lead-time. Are the PreCogs playing favorites here? There are other inconsistencies, but this was the most glaring to me.
I think that most of the reason I didn't like this movie as much as I had hoped was because I think that Spielberg has forgotten how to end a movie. He's wrapped this movie up so tightly that there is absolutely no doubt as to the outcome of PreCrime. I would have liked the movie more had it ended about 20 minutes sooner. I would have loved for the film to have ended with Anderton being arrested. Or even if it had ended 5 minutes sooner. I didn't need the last little bit about how PreCrime was disbanded.
This is exactly the same problem I had with A.I. If that movie would have ended 30 minutes sooner, with Haley on the bottom of the ocean staring at the Blue Fairy statue with the little nuclear bear, I would have loved that movie and it probably would have knocked Jaws out of 1st place. But alas, Spielberg has once again killed what could have been a truly incredible movie.
I give this movie ** out of four because of the aesthetic look of the film.
–andy
[7/16/2002 11:10:04 AM | Andy Kovacs]
Quote of the day for 7-16-02
"If you ain't got socks, you ain't got much.
But if you got 'em, you might as well pull 'em up!"
- Bruce Campbell
[7/16/2002 4:25:37 PM | Andy Kovacs]
I don't like Trendy people. They annoy me.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a 6pm poetry reading at the internet jazz and coffee bar in Olde City, I left my laptop at home, and I forgot to wear my mock turtleneck today. When will it end?!
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